Where All My Hope Is

A Door Unopened

We sat in the box for what felt like hours. Ezra wouldn't speak or even look at me. Aurora kept giving me disapproving glares and then ignoring me when I tried to talk to her. Only Asher would talk to me, but it was almost worse, he kept trying to comfort me to no avail.

"Fae, it's not your fault. If we're executed it's because Adonai has a plan."

"It is my fault Asher. My sister told the government that you were Zyanyan to spite me. I disobeyed Adonai. If he has a plan it is to punish me by having you executed!" Asher didn't seem to know what to say to that. Every few minutes he would say something that was meant to be comforting, and I would counter it, and he would lapse back into silence knowing that I was right.

Finally the wagon stopped, and a guard opened the box. He bound our hands behind our backs and pushed us inside a building where he locked us in the smallest cell I had ever seen, and, umm, that was saying something. I had been in way too many cells in my life, I couldn't even count them.

We walked down the cold, dark hall. I felt like thousands of eyes were watching our every move. Every cell we passed had at least three prisoners enclosed in its slimy clutch. As we neared the end of the hall, I noticed an old man sitting by himself in a cell. His scraggly beard thinned out at his waist, and his eyes were deep and sunken. His clothes were tattered and worn, and he had no shoes. An electric bolt crashed through my body as realization dawned upon me. The guards, and the three siblings ahead of me began to spin in circles. I gritted my teeth, trying to keep from fainting. Poor old Mr. Plumber watched us turn the corner as recognition lit his eyes. As I glanced back, I thought I saw him shake his head as if warning me, but then he turned his back. I gave a gasp. The shirt off his back had been torn. Underneath it were the fresh scars of a whip. My eyes teared up. Again, he reminded me of the grandfather I had lost so long ago. The guards led us into another hall, which was basically empty. We were forced to crouch side by side just to fit in the closet-like cell. Thankfully, I didn't have to sit by Asher, but Aurora. She made sure to squish herself as close to Ezra as possible so she wouldn't have to be as close to me. He held her close, closing his eyes as tears seeped through. I longed to reach out and comfort him, but I feared that he would pull away.

None of us slept though we all tried. In the morning two guards came to give us breakfast and taunt us."Here's your meal. Enjoy it, because it might just be your last." He smiled evilly and the other guard laughed. They stayed to jeer at us for a while, then finally left us alone to eat. Breakfast was a pile of mushy yellow stuff that tasted like oatmeal that had gone bad three weeks earlier.

Thankfully, it did not turn out to be the Killian siblings' last meal. The hours passed like knives cutting into my sanity and dragging it away from me. When dinner finally arrived, I didn't mind that it seemed to be the same as our breakfast. I was hungry enough that I would eat anything.The problem was Kaya. She brought dinner with a haughty grin on her face. She seemed to be immensely pleased with the size of our cell.

"I think this will be a lovely home for you to live out the rest of your life, dear sister," she said to me. "As well as your traitorous boy and his siblings." Ezra burst out at this.

"Leave us alone, you nyiama." The last word was in Zyanyan, and by the look of hatred on his face and the look of anger and shock on Kaya's, I could tell it was an insult that Ezra and his siblings would be punished severely for using.

Once she had left and we had eaten dinner, we each curled up into the respective corners of our cell and tried to sleep. I felt a shiver go through me each time I thought of the days ahead. I felt cold, but I knew it wasn't just because of the freezing temperature of the cell. I felt alone, desperate for anything and anyone to be near me, to comfort me.

I had forced myself into an exhaustion driven stupor. I don't know how long it took me to escape. It could have been minutes, or possibly even days. As far as I was concerned, I could have been like that for years.

When I finally came out of it, I sat up quickly and grasped around the darkness. I just needed to be comforted, and I knew Ezra would always be there for me to hold my hand.

I searched the whole cell on my hands and knees, crying out for Ezra. Suddenly, the truth dawned upon me.

The guard had come, and they had taken my last hope for sanity, my only friends in this unforgiving world. They had taken them to their deaths.

Ezra would die because of something he hadn't done. Aurora, sweet, kind Aurora, would die because I had disobeyed our creator. Asher, the one person who had talked to me when everyone else turned their backs on me, would die, and I would never be able to apologize to him, because my actions had killed him.

I felt like I was standing still in an unchanging place while the rest of the world continued on without me. The world was spinning and millions of people around the world were living their lives just like they had for years, and here I was, trembling, alone, abandoned, hated.

Adonai has left me. I thought, I will die here, and he will never forgive me.

It was a horrible thought, but I couldn't stop it. It was a fact I would have to face. I was going to die alone. No one would be coming to rescue me.

I deserved this... I silently cried out, yet, still I prayed for Adonais help, his mercy, his peace.

I had disobeyed Adonai, and those who disobeyed Adonai were to be punished. This was my punishment.

I finally let the darkness prying at my heart overcome me, and allowed the cruel pain to claw its way through my mind, ripping out every thought of hope.

I closed my tear stained eyes, accepting my fate. Out of the shadows, a single thought burst through the haze I was lost in, illuminating a single sentence in my memory from my readings in the Biblia.

"Assuredly, the evil man will not go unpunished, but the descendants of the righteous will be delivered"

In that moment, I was unsure which group I fit into.