Where All My Hope Is

The Warning

"Do you want some dinner?" Ezra asked while sliding a bowl of stew towards me. I didn't respond, but pushed the bowl away. It had been an hour since we had arrived at the cave, which held the title of being our new base. The dark feeling had filled my stomach, leaving my appetite behind. Ezra looked at me questioningly, "Are you okay? Did you get hurt in the battle?" I shook my head and brought my gaze to meet his. His amber eyes sparkled in the fire light, my pitiful reflection shining in his irises. He slid in beside me and began eating. I considered telling him, but no- the fear returned, "You're just the odd one out, he will just think that you're weird."

I forced myself to smile, "I'm fine, just tired."

Ezra looked at me, his concern melted slightly, "Are you sure? Is this because of your sister?"

Kaya. My fight with her had sparked old memories that I had since buried years ago. Clips from my early life that I wish I could forget. I don't want to think about them now. I took a deep breath and answered, "You know I think I do want some of that soup." I started shoveling it into my mouth to try and bury my hurt feelings.

Ezra gave me a puzzled look. "Fae-?"

"I'm fine Ezra," I snapped.

Ezra stared at the floor for a couple of seconds, then he sighed and got to his feet. I watched as he strolled towards a cheerful Aurora. The guilty feeling returned. Why was I so irritable? With a huff I got to my feet and stormed off into the dark woods. I needed to be alone before I hurt someone else.

After a few minutes I came across a field. The pale night moon cast soft rays of light across the flat area. Grass danced lightly, echoing a soft swishing sound that stopped me in my tracks. I smelled sweet lavender, and saw the silhouette of flowers dappled across the field. The soothing sound of crickets was joined in a chorus of the field's orchestra. I was captured by this beauty, it calmed the rash feelings inside of me. I sat myself down on an old log and basked in the night's ambiance. The serenity didn't last for too long, though.

A sharp crack sounded behind me and I whirled around. I was surprised to see Leah standing there, her kind features smiling at me.

She walked closer, "I saw you leave camp, and decided to see if you were okay. May I sit down?" I nodded my head and she promptly seated herself besides me. "Are you okay?"

I gulped but answered calmly, "Yes."

"That's a lie," she answered quickly. I felt ready to lash out at her but Leah took a deep breath and said, "You're hiding something. I haven't lived this long to not recognize the signs."

I felt my breath stop, as I just gazed at her. Every part of her person revealed her deep love for everything and everyone around her. Her smooth talk tempted me to tell her my struggles but I shook off the thought. She, out of everyone, would definitely think I was weird for the dark feelings that plagued me.

Leah took another breath of the crisp night air before saying, "Hiding your feelings will only break you."

I opened my mouth in surprise but soon found the words pouring out faster than I could comprehend. It was like a rockslide, once I started talking I couldn't stop. Leah gazed at me compassionately and nodded with every word I said. I did the best that I could to put the darkness into words. Surprisingly, the more that I expressed my doubts, the more free I felt.

Once I was finished, Leah took my hands and said, "One: you are not weak for sharing your feelings, instead it shows strength. Two: those doubts are from Hewa, and you must not listen to them. Remember what Adonai says about you instead. Three," she paused and gazed at the full moon, "I believe that the Holy Spirit has been talking to you."

"What?" I stuttered. Immanuel had talked about His spirit, but I had never understood. So I asked, "What do you mean?"

Leah smiled, "The Holy Spirit is our friend and guide. He warns, directs, and sometimes convicts us out of love. With every distraction in our world we sometimes ignore his proddings. That darkness that you feel is a warning."

My mouth fell open, "How do you know?"

Leah smiled a bit, "Because I've had the same feeling for the last two days."

"How do you know the difference between a warning and a conviction?" I asked.

Leah pulled the Biblia out of her cloak. She started flipping pages until she came to a highlighted verse, "1 John‬ ‭4:1.‬ ‭‬‬Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world." She started flipping through the Biblia again before saying, "Whenever I receive a confusing message, I compare the word of knowledge with the Biblia. The Biblia is Adonai's words so everything in it is true. If the word of knowledge matches up with what Adonai says then I know it is from Him. Second, the Holy Spirit is our friend, so when I receive a confusing feeling like the darkness I pray about it. I ask about if it's something I need to repent for or if it's a warning. That's what I was doing last night, I was praying over the word of knowledge."

I nodded, intaking her every word with great interest, "Leah, why do we need the Holy Spirit?"

Leah began reading another verse on the open page, "‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:12‬. ‭‬For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places," she closed the book, "I already told you about Hewa and how he has influenced the world. He is our enemy, not your sister, not your father, and not Lucifer's army. Hewa is very powerful, and the only way to fight him is through prayer and study. Do you understand?"

I smiled, "Yes," I leaned forward and gave her a hug, "I see now why Immanuel made you our mentor."

Leah smiled, and wrapped her long arms around my body. I could smell cinnamon as her warm embrace filled me with love. She kissed me gently on the head, "Adonai is very proud of you Fae. You are on an extraordinary path full of many dangers, but I believe wholeheartedly that Immanuel is with you every step of the way."

As we let go a single question entered my mind, "So what do I do about the dark feeling I have?"

Leah rose and held out her hand, "Go pray about it. The answer might not come immediately but," she smiled at me, "You'll never get that answer unless you start asking."