Life After You And Me

Murphy's Law

It's so easy to get caught up in your problems. To let life's endless difficulties prevent you from enjoying the moments that are worth living for. The moments that truly matter.

Some problems feel like the end of the world. Like there's no getting out no matter what you do. So you sulk, cry, and give up without even trying.

I don't know where I fall on that spectrum yet, but lately, I've been actively trying to bask in the rare joyful moments that pop up in my life now and again. Like the time McDonald's had a double burger deal for the price of one.

I guess I'm slowly accepting my life as it currently is. I find comfort in knowing that things can't possibly get any worse than they've gotten in the past few years. 

Everything wrong that could've possibly happened to me has already happened. I've cried so many tears that my skin has gotten accustomed to the salty liquid. There were days I'd be shocked if I didn't shed a tear - contentment was a stranger to me.

I do know that life challenges, as well as consequences are compulsory, for everyone. There's no cheat sheet for going around it, you have to go through it.

When I was younger, my primary challenge was that I didn't have any friends, and then it became my sister's sudden absence.

When I got to varsity, I didn't know what I wanted to study or be when I grew up.

Now my challenge is I have no direction in life and I may never find love again. I suppose that's more of a reality than a challenge.

It's truly easy to let myself drown in that. To be hopeless and fill my days with nothing but tears and relentless sorrow.

In fact, I have drowned in that, and occasionally, I numb myself in some liquid courage to forget all about my consequential troubles.

But lately, I'm learning to be grateful for the limited good things in my life.

Of course Zoe is at the top of that list. One of the other things I've come to be grateful for is my colleagues.

I'm learning that things are only bad because they were really good once, or rather, they were a different kind of good.

One of my colleagues has never had a car and she uses a shared taxi to get home. She lives about 40 miles from work... she's one of the happiest people I've ever met.

Another colleague of mine still lives with her parents. She's saving up so she can finally move out one day - she's perfectly happy too.

I guess my point is, just because things are different doesn't mean they are bad. Happiness can be achieved in any environment. 

The life I'm currently living is unfamiliar to me and maybe that's ok.

I grew up with the finest things life had to offer but none of what I had belonged to me. My father took back my trust fund, but that was never mine to begin with. It was a favor... a privilege.

All the money we had was my father's hard work, and now I have to put in my own hard work if I want things to be different.

"Are you going home soon?"
One of my colleagues asks and I release a smile in response.