Life After You And Me

Be My Suburbia

I stare at the dashboard from the passenger seat, my eyes are fixated on the numbers and dials that offer no solace. The illuminated symbols mock my anxiety.

The speedometer needle dances erratically, mirroring the racing thoughts in my mind. Every click of the turn signal feels like a countdown, amplifying the tension that coils within me.

My eyes land on my lover who sits next to me in the driver's seat. I finally say to him,

"Do we really have to do this tonight?"

I'm happy to keep avoiding this part of our relationship for as long as we possibly can. In the past, or at least in my personal experience, adding more people to the mix ruins the bond you've built.

Other people have the ability to break the bubble you've sheltered your relationship in. They can expose reality for what it is.

I don't doubt Evin and I's genuine connection but I don't know what other people would think or feel about it.

The man is a few years older than me to start with. Most people may feel we're mismatched because of that alone.

Evin insisted it's time I meet his friends, but what if they don't like me? What if they think I'm with him for his money, or I'm not good enough for him?

"Babe, they'll love you."

Yeah but what if they don't? What if they warn him against me and he listens? What then?

"You're cute when you're nervous. Don't worry, I love you, and they'll love you too. Okay?"

I nod my head as if his words succeed in toning down my anxiety, they don't.

I've officially gotten to a point where I'm scared to lose him. Evin was a light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. Any threat to that is a threat to me.

As we speed down the road, the trees blur past, their branches reach out like elongated fingers. They seem to whisper secrets to each other, their rustling leaves create a symphony of uncertainty.

The once calming sight of nature now adds to the pressure weighing heavily on my chest.

Do they know about the cheating? Do they know I'm divorced and I'm a single mother?

From what he said, they're all married with kids. Married people tend to be a bit judgy to those who don't seem to have their wits about.

I try to focus on the passing scenery, hoping it will distract me from my unease.

My lover extends his hand to hold mine and I release a smile at his sweetness. The chilling contact brings about a certain solace in my heart. A reminder that we're journeying through this together.

No matter what the outcome of this meeting will be, I trust that the foundation we've built is strong enough to weather any storm.

Maybe the benefit of being with someone so much older than me is they're not easily influenced by peer pressure.

Evin knows what he wants and that's one of the many things I love about me. For whatever reason, he wants me... he chose me, so I have to trust that he knew what he was doing.