Life After You And Me

The Past That Never Was

Before Olli, there was Archie.

I met him through Harry during my first year at Cambridge and we had a blast together! He also happens to be Sophia's twin brother who's the reason I've seen the inside of the mountainous house she grew up in.

The man had everything going for him. The wealth, the looks, and the heart of gold. If I could've painted a picture of a perfect boyfriend, it would've had Archie's face.

But he had one great flaw... he wasn't Olli.

He didn't make my heart pulsate in an incomparable excitement. He didn't cause my skin to boil just from a simple touch, and he wasn't the one who gave me sleepless nights.

Olli was the opposite of Archie, in every way possible. He had no sense of direction, he didn't know who his father was, and he had to work countless hours a week just to feed his family, while the latter never had to work a day in his life

My point is, any sane person would've chosen security over uncertainty. But I didn't.

I didn't take the time to truly appreciate Archie because my heart was with another.

He was the 'safe' option and I wanted passion.

He was the kind of guy who would've given me the world, but I didn't want the world.

I wanted Olli - the guy I couldn't have. The one whose mere gaze sent electric chills to travel down my spine.

My ex-husband and I didn't start dating until after a while because we understood that being together would hurt the people we cared about, and we didn't want that. It was only an eternity later that we decided to put ourselves first for once.

Of course that put us at odds with everyone. We were evil and selfish for following our hearts.

If I said I regretted leaving Archie for Olli I'd be lying, and if I had another chance to choose I'd still choose my baby's father. But grown up me can't help but wonder what could have been had I chosen Archie.

Grown up me recognizes his endless qualities that I would've loved to have in a husband and partner.

For one, he didn't carry heavy trauma from his childhood that carried over to his adulthood. We all have trauma but I think Archie's was manageable. He turned out great because of the endless resources he was birthed that made sure he would.

He was safe, but what is 'safe' and why is it so bad?

Why aren't we more afraid of passion? It's proven to have claimed more casualties. Look at what passion did to me.

If I had simply let him love me, where would I be? I escape that thought as soon as it crosses my mind. I wouldn't have Zoe, that's more than enough reason to shut down the idea.

"Wow! It's been..."

"Forever...I know."

I'd be lying if I said he didn't look good. He looked great before but somehow he got better looking with age. I guess it runs in the family because I thought the same thing when I saw Sophia again after so many years.