Lucky in Love (A Reality TV Romance)

Eighteen (post-Kai confessional)

"I didn't expect to tell him as much as I did," Alex admits.

"You told him about Michael?"

Again, that persistent stab in her heart. She wishes she'd never told Delia, either. Alex nods.

"Question in the answer, Alex."

Alex's brows furrow, pained. She doesn't want to format her answers, not about this. She looks down at the floor, rubbing her thumb against a fingernail, breathing slowly.

"What did you tell Kai today?"

She feels the lights in the room glaring at her, and the attention she usually doesn't mind - sometimes even likes, in other situations - is uncomfortable. Put on the spot to showcase her loss.

Her lips are tight, mildly irritated. Finally she speaks up. "Sorry, Delia— can I get something to drink?"

"White, red?"

"Water."

Delia hesitates. "Are you sure? I know this might be kind of hard."

Alex manages a weak smile. "Believe me, I have plans for later. I just need to think clearly at the moment."

"Okay. It might take me a minute."

-*-

Delia shoots Jonas a look as she leaves, and he already feels guilt hovering, ready to latch on to him.

Just like before, a little after Delia leaves, Alex ends up speaking to Jonas and Ben to fill the silence. "Sorry I'm not as upbeat this time around. I feel like you guys are just stuck with my rambling. Once I get on a topic I can try to be coherent, but I'm never quite sure."

"It's alright."

"Liquor only makes me talk in circles," she adds. "Or... I mean, I probably already do that."

"I didn't actually get the date story, til now," Jonas admits. "Most of the contestants would be pretty excited about getting a kiss from one of the guys."

"Kisses... They don't always mean the same thing to me." Alex is looking down at her hands still, bridging her fingers together. "I've kissed plenty of people who were just friends. This was more than that, but... it wasn't because of the kiss."

Jonas resists the urge to wince. Sometimes the things she says can so easily be taken out of context. There is some way to manipulate that into something else. But he only cocks his head for a moment, leaning against the wall behind the camera, arms folded over his chest.

"I don't talk about my brother to people." She's so calm and even-toned, so sincere and vulnerable.

He hesitates, expecting Production to come on over comms and goad him into asking something, but they don't. Ben, however, stands up, looking at his phone. "I'll— I'll be right back, give me a minute." He doesn't meet Jonas's eyes as he goes, so Jonas isn't sure if this is planned or not.

Still, Alex goes on, almost as soon as the door is closed. "Even Frankie didn't know. I mean— she saw the tattoo, obviously. The tattoos. Three of the five, really, are for him. But she didn't know how, I was pretty vague about that."

The room is quiet, soundproofed for the confessional. The only noise is Alex flicking fingers against nails in a self-soothing pattern.

Jonas keeps expecting a prompt. But it's not coming. And he does wonder... "What happened?" he finally asks, quietly.

Alex looks at him for a long time. It's terrifying how clear her gaze is, like he can see straight into her soul. Logan wasn't kidding, she really does wear her heart on her sleeve. "He drowned."