Sacrifice - Hela Odinson

#12 - Yes or No

The thing I haven't talked enough about is the food. Asgardians still eat like they did 1500 years ago. An average Asgardian's diet consists of meat (mostly pig and cow), white bread, a few fruits, and incredible amounts of alcohol. They drink like it's a full-time job.

Meanwhile Pat is vegetarian, and we both have the drinking habits of a third grader. And I don't mean Hungarian third graders, those little shits steal their parents' drinks, I mean like... American third graders, or I don't know. Any normal third graders who don't drink.

Long story short, we don't really fit in here. On our first dinner together Freyja asked me what I wanted to drink, and when I told her I don't drink, she laughed for five minutes straight.

"No, seriously..." she said when she caught her breath, wiping a tear from her eye. "Beer or wine?"

"None." I shook my head again.

"You're a hopeless case. What about you?" Freyja turned to Pat.

"She's just a kid!" Hela interrupted.

Unlike me, Pat wouldn't really mind drinking, and of course she's the one with a damn reason for it. Life is unfair.

This week Freyja informed me that the servants spread rumors that I'm pregnant. Yeah, that's the other annoying thing about this place: they gossip like we did back in school. Except that they lie more shamelessly. Our gossip was always at least 80% true.

At first I didn't really mind it, because I thought it was going to die down, but when today after breakfast Hela received a letter from Thor, who wanted to know the gender of the baby, we knew we had to do something about it, and denying it didn't seem to be enough.

We held an emergency meeting in my room a few hours before Pat's journey to Earth. Hela and I sat on the bed, with her arm around my shoulder (whenever we were in the same room, she had to make physical contact to show that I'm hers), and Pat took the couch.

"Maybe you should start drinking." my fiancée suggested.

"I tried. I threw up after two sips." I grimaced at the thought of it.

"Yeah, you might be allergic, then." Pat said with her mouth full. She was busy snacking on some those honey things that were left over from breakfast. "Sucks to be you."

"Are you sure you can't stomach it?" Hela raised her eyebrows.

"Pretty sure." I nodded. "And if I vomit every day, it's just going to prove their point."

"Hmmm... Then you could pretend to drink." Pat broke the silence that was about to fall on us.

"Are there any Asgardian beverages that look similar to beer or wine?" I turned to Hela. "Like, some sort of red juice."

"No. Everyone drinks." she shook her head.

"But they don't know anything about Earth's beverages, do they?" Pat sat up straight, with that twinkle of excitement and mischief in her eyes that was the clear sign of an amazing idea.

"We do not bother to keep up with your fast-changing consumerist culture." Hela responded.

"Ouch, that kinda hurt." My friend/daughter frowned. "But... We could use that to our advantage."

"I'm listening..." Hela raised her eyebrows expectantly.

I could kinda see where Pat was going with this.

"We could grab any non-alcoholic drink from Earth..."

"...And tell everyone it has alcohol in it!" I exclaimed. "Girl, you're a genius!"