Somewhere Only We Know

Chapter 11

Trigger Warning: Abuse

"Mom doesn't wanted me to go, but she had no choice because that man, my father, threatened her. Pumayag na rin siya nang makita niya na gustong gusto ko sumama sa tatay ko. I was all smiles when I entered his car — without knowing that at the end of that ride, my life would be in hell."

Nakita ko na nanginginig ang mga kamay niya. Kumunot ang noo ko. Nararamdaman ko ring nag iinit ang sulok ng mga mata ko kaya ay dali dali akong lumapit sa kaniya at hinawakan ang can beer. Inalis ko ito sa pagkakahawak niya at itinabi. Hinawakan ko ang mga kamay niya para pakalmahin siya.

"I'm sorry. I'm so weak." mahinang sabi nito. Umiling na agad ako. Hindi ko nakikitaan siya ng pagkamahina ngayon kundi ay pagiging matapang ang nakikita ko. Hindi biro ang niranas niya pero heto pa rin siya.

"You don't have to tell it now if you can't, Kobe. Don't push yourself." ayokong pilitin siyang magsabi. Masakit ang alalahanin ang mga masalimuhot na nakaraan.

Umiling si Kobe bago inalis ang isang kamay at nagpunas ng luha. Binalik niya rin ito agad at hinigpitan ang hawak sa kamay ko.

"He was an abuser. To me. Only to me. I have two siblings from him. His wife turned blind of her husband's actions. I was already seventeen that time and if I want, kaya ko naman lumaban sa kaniya pero hindi ko magawa. Mom raised me well. She didn't raise me just to put violence and justice on my hands."

Tuluyang bumuhos ang luha sa mga mata ko. Hindi niya deserve iyon. Hindi niya deserve ang saktan.

"Sa sobrang kagustuhan ko na tanggapin niya ako ng buo ay tanggap lang ako nang tanggap ng mga pambubugbog niya kapag badtrip siya. He would either beat me, hit me with anything he grabbed, choke me, and others. Everytime he does that, he would tell me that I should kept quiet or else I'll be dead. I tried answering him back by telling him to just kill me but he just laughed. Ayaw niya akong patayin dahil papatayin raw siya ng tatay niya. So he would resort on hitting me until I pass out. Nagigising na lang ako sa kama ko at may mga benda na sa katawan o kung ano pa man. It was easy for him because doctor ang asawa niya. She would always hid my scars because she doesn't want his kids to see me. He's playing the good father figure to his two children that everytime the two of them were in the house, that's the only time I was able to breathe. The two were oblivious of the monster inside the mansion so they set barriers with me. Tingin nila sa akin ay kinukuha ko ang atensyon ng tatay nila dahil madalas ako nitong dalhin sa opisina. They thought it's because I became the favorite, but it's the opposite. Dinadala ako roon para saktan. Lagi siyang galit sa akin dahil sa hindi ko malaman na dahilan."

"Not until I personally learned the reason. I was already 21 at that time. He was mad because his father — my grandfather, knows about me. Their family lives with the patriarchal rule. First man of the generation would be the heir of inheritance. The day that I was introduced, my grandfather already shows affection towards me. He kept on telling everyone that I would be the heir. Before I came into the picture, it was clear to my father that the inheritance would be his because the eldest child next to me who happened to be a he was still a minor. Their rule was, when a child turned 21, it would automatically be a heir. He didn't have much time with the inheritance because my grandfather directed it to me when he retired— without passing it first to his son. When I turned 21, I already left their mansion and went back to my Mom."

Ang gulo ng buhay niya. Habang nagsasalita siya ay nakatitig lamang ako sa kaniya. Paano niya nakakaya ang ganoong klaseng pamumuhay?

"I'm sorry. I broke down." tina-try niya na takpan ang paghihina niya sa pamamagitan ng pagtawa pero hindi iyon bumenta sa akin. Kusang lumapit ako sa kaniya at niyakap siya. Naramdaman ko ang sandaling paninigas niya sa yakap ko bago tuluyang yumakap rin sa akin. Hinigpitan niya pa nga iyon.