My Secret To Keep

a little concerned ..

2 years ago ,

" Desmond , come over here please " I called out , trying to stick the decorations high up . Desmond is stuffing his mouth with plain cereal , before he looks up at me and rolls his eyes , coming over . " Yes, my little princess ? '' he says sarcastically .I laugh and wait for him to come help . " what would you want to be in the afterlife ? " '' I suddenly ask . He goes quiet . "I don't know , maybe ...like..the moon ? like its lights ? i would still like to feel .. human "

Now

Sometimes when my mom acts like she knows me well , I wonder what would happen if she found THE plan , you know ? the one I made that one lonely night .

" you should get started on your work " my mom , Charlotte , says after telling her about the 2 unfinished assignments i have to do . " I will " i reply , yawning , getting my laptop and sighing heavily , opening it .

' Does growing up just change your body ? or also your soul ? i got that line from a movie , and i agree , Growing up changes you , we know that , but how ? When you see things and experience things , that's what actually changes a person , whether for the worse or the better , it depends , it always does . '

____________

I rub my eyes as I peer into the mirror near my bed , examining my features . my grey tired eyes , thick brows , wavy black hair and pale face . I started with primer , makeup has been a must since I was 11 , my face always looked tired and I have always been the kind that wants people to see me put together. Sometimes when I think about this , I feel bad for my younger self . I was too busy being strong to be happy .

I have a list , it's pretty important to me .

Safe foods :

. cucumbers
. chilli sauce
. popcorn
. flavoured water
. gum
. energy drinks
. watermelon seeds

I'm sometimes aware of the possibility of it being concerning . To me it is normal , but just in case , I have it hidden under my bed , with other things , safe and sound .