My Secret To Keep

my princess

Melody

It's home time , and I take the bus home , headphones over my ears , staring at the window in silence , head pounding, light-headed . when I go home , something seems off .
My mom is sitting on the couch in silence , eyes red. " Mom ? are you okay ? " for a moment there is no reply but then she says " are you ? "Her voice is so soft I barely hear it . I look at her in alarm , getting this weird gut feeling as my blood runs cold . " I am , why ? What's wrong ? "My mom looks at me and I suddenly feel my vision blurring , swimming like the moon when you squirt your eyes and everything goes black .

I wake up in an empty room , white everywhere , I look down and notice the bed I'm sitting in , the beeping machines next to me , I start to panic but just then my mom comes in with a cup of coffee in her hands, she looks like she hasn't slept in days .
" I looked through your room, melody " she says , and a chill goes up my spine . " what ? " I stutter . " the pills , what were they for " she whispers . I don't reply . she goes quiet " what about the food ? when was the last time you ate " she asks again , her voice cracks and my heart breaks, hating myself for hurting everyone around me . " I'm sorry I whisper , and I don't know if it's an apology for her or for me .

it was quite , quite a mom saw me in that bed , quiet when that doctor told me iI will be staying for my mental health , quite when he raped me , quite when he killed himself , quite when my dad left , quite when I Began to hate myself , quite when I was born into this world , and that's when I realized why people fear silent so much .

" Tell me about yourself, " he asks. He's A tall man with dark skin and a strong build . I stare at him , silent . He doesn't move . waiting for me . " I'm Melody " I finally say and he chuckles . " no , I mean things that I don't know, " he says . Now , if life was a movie and I had a remote for it I knew that I would skip forward until the movie finally ends .

I'm gaining weight , which which wasn't helping my s***** mood. I slowly sat up in bed , noticing the way the pills they gave me made me feel . It's been a while now , of me acting on my plan ,I listened to what they want me to do, act the way they want me to ,it's not much different than my real life , always the little puppet everyone controls but me . I know that being good means gaining trust and gaining trust me is doing what I want , and I needed that.

maybe people now know a lot of my secrets but I know one thing they don't know and that now , on December , in 10 days , two years ago was when everything changed for me for the worst ... on December 14 ... and maybe if every pill they gave me I saved , every chance i had , i took , maybe on the anniversary of the worst day of my life , two years later, I can skip my movie to its end .

Today I saw the full moon , and panic Rose up inside me. What if he's right there watching me ? i remember clearly the day my dad left , i was 8 , and it was my birthday , " happy birthday , my little princess , i'll be back with a gift you'll love " he whispers , bending over as he talks to me , he stands up straight again and walks out , never to be seen by me again . That week I went over to Desmond's house , crying to him , my best friend . and he promised that i'll be his little princess instead , that i shouldn't ever cry over anyone . he hardly ever called me anything else after that.