The Flashbacks

Chapter One: Breath of Fresh Air

2 months later

I bounced Ava back and forth while waiting for the doctor to come in. It was her 4-month check-up. Jax was playing on my phone quietly in the chair next to the counter.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Manning. It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Rhoades." I jumped a little when the doctor came into the room. I chose to switch the kids' doctors so that Tyler couldn't use them to trace us.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Doctor Manning." I set Ava down on the examination table slowly. Doctor Manning stood next to me and I could feel myself taking a step away from her. She put on her stethoscope and listened to Ava's breathing. Ava giggled and grabbed Doctor Manning's Apple watch band while she pressed on her stomach. Doctor Manning smiled and took a look at Ava's eyes and throat.

"It looks like Ava here is growing healthily and steadily. On her file, it said you had a hard time with breastfeeding and that she's eating formula. Is that still the case?" Doctor Manning leaned against the counter to take notes while I picked Ava back up.

"Yes. I gave her Similac. Is that okay?" I asked, patting Ava's back while bouncing her.

"Of course. I'm going to write you a prescription for vitamin D powder. You just need to add it to her formula when you feed her. She seems to be lacking a little bit, but that's perfectly normal." She wrote something on her clipboard. "Now let's talk about you for a second Mrs. Rhoades." She put her pen down and I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. "I noticed how you flinch away from me whenever I get close to you and I also noticed the finger-shaped bruises on your wrists." She put her hands in her pockets.

"I'm staying in an apartment right now. The girls aren't in danger, please don't call DCS and have them taken away from me." I looked down at my feet and could feel my eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, sweetheart, I would never do that." Doctor Manning tucked some hair behind her ear. "I just wanted to let you know I'm a part of a support group for single moms who have been abused by their husbands. I left my fiancé about a year and a half ago." She pulled a card out of her white coat pocket. "Here's the information." Her smile was kind as she gave me the card. "My cell phone number is on the back if you ever need to talk. Or if you just need a friend. I'll see you in two months for Ava's 6-month check-up. Please let me know if you need anything for the kids as well. I have a daughter around Jax's age." She was so kind.

"Thank you so much, Doctor Manning," I whispered. I couldn't help it; I hugged her and she rubbed my back while I cried.

"You are strong and you are important. Have a great rest of your day, okay?" She told me when she walked me out of the exam room. I had both kids in the stroller. Ava had her bottle and Jax was still watching videos on my phone.

"Thank you again, Doctor Manning." I left with the kids, taking deep breaths. If Doctor Manning, who was a successful pediatrician with her own job could be abused by a man, maybe it wasn't my fault.

"Mommy, hungry," Jax told me while I strapped him into his car seat. I smiled and brushed his hair away from his face. I had a little bit of money left over from rent. I could afford lunch, I think.

"Okay, baby. Mommy will get you some food." I put Ava into her car seat and she yawned. She went right to sleep. I got into the car and drove through a Chick-fil-A drive-through. I handed Jax his nuggets to eat in the car. I would give him his mac and cheese and juice box when we got home. I pulled into the parking lot of the only crappy apartment I could afford on my salary. I got the kids down and situated in the little studio. Ava was asleep in the playpen and Jax watching Bluey with his food. I sat down on the couch and I couldn't help it, I started crying. How did I end up here?