you're what i want | billie eilish

12. crossed a line.

i could hear ariella giggling downstairs as i opened my eyes. i turned over and read the time. 9:24 am.

i got up and threw my hair into a messy bun then went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

when i went downstairs billie was in the kitchen whisking something in a bowl and victoria was on the couch next to josh while ariella was playing on the floor with jayden.

wait josh and jayden!

i rushed down the last few steps and jumped onto josh. "i missed you!" i said into his shoulder. "look at how big he's gotten" i pouted as i picked jayden up from the ground. "yup he's almost eight months" vic ran her fingers through the little hair he had.

"good morning mommy!" ariella said from below me. "good morning baby girl" i smiled at her "did you have a good sleep?" i asked and she nodded.

i gently placed jayden back down to play with ariella and went to the kitchen to grab water. "good morning my love" billie said from a few feet away. i ignored her and poured myself a cup.

"i'm going to get dressed" i told vic before walking upstairs. not long after did i hear footsteps outside my door. billie walked in and shut the door behind her.

"so are we just not speaking?" she stayed standing by the door while i was looking through the closet.

"after the shit you pulled yesterday? hell no" i scoffed.

"alaia are you being deadass right now?!" i heard her hands hit her thighs. i flung my body around to face her. "you got drunk after i specifically told you not to drink a lot. i told you i didn't want you getting fucked up, especially at a place where you don't know anyone. but you don't listen to me! you want to go against my wishes then go right ahead, i won't speak to you for as long as you do"

"you do understand how tiring it has been trying to be there for you right?" she ran her hands through her hair. "i've put everything aside for you, so i could make sure you were okay." she raised her voice.

"i'm hurting billie! i've been hurting since we got back together, since before we got back together" i sighed and started to tear up.

"did it ever occur to you that i'm hurting too!" she slammed her hand into the wall causing me to flinch. "i've practically flushed my career down the drain so i could be there for you and ariella!"

"i never asked you to do that! i didn't beg for you to come back into my life!" i started but she cut in.

"no you just showed up to my brothers house for a few days without me knowing" she rolled her eyes.

"that was not me asking for your help. i asked claudia for help until i could get myself together. i didn't ask you for you to kiss me, i didn't ask for you to try again and i sure as hell did not ask you step in and be ariellas mom. and don't you worry about ariella and i being the reason for you to flush your career down the drain bc you did that to yourself last night!" i screamed.

"we would never have had any of these problems if you didn't cheat on me!"

there it is.

the one thing i was terrified of.

she brought up the past.

"you're right." i mumbled "let me just grab my shit and leave."

"no alaia." she ran her hands over her face. "that's not what i meant"

"too fucking late." i said through my teeth. "now you don't have to flush your career down the drain for us anymore" i said through shaky breaths.

"look. i'm sorry i didn't mean it alaia" she made her way to the bed and sat down "but you said it. sorry will not cut it" i wiped the tears from my face.

"alaia. can you not leave, can we just try to fix this" she sighed

"do you realize every problem we have you go out of line and end up trying to fix it within the moment. that's not how it works billie. the shit you said was so beyond out of line! you can't just apologize and think we're going to be okay."

i grabbed an outfit from the closet and left the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. when i got out to the hallway vic was standing by the steps with a look of pity.

i signaled her to the bathroom and she came in while i got dressed. "what happened?" she sat on the toilet and looked up at me.

"it got so out of hand. how long were you standing there?" i pulled the shirt over my head.

"i walked up as soon as she went into the room. just a muscle memory i guess"she shrugged.

"i'm sorry lei" vic pulled me into a hug and i quietly cried into her shoulder.

"she brought up the past bro. the one thing i didn't want happening" i lifted myself up from her hold and wiped my tears.

we left the bathroom and i went into my room to throw my clothes into the dirty laundry. billie was still sitting on the edge of the bed with her face in her hands.

"lei." she started

"don't" i sniffled and left the room.

we went downstairs and josh was sitting at the table jayden and ariella. "i thought i could at least finish breakfast" he chuckled and i hugged him. "don't let it get bad alaia" he whispered.

"i know, i won't" i nodded.

i set a plate aside for billie and cleaned up the rest while everyone was in the living room.

"i'm going to finn's to try and write." i heard billie say from behind me. "you're plate is in the microwave if you want to take it with you" i slightly looked over my shoulder.

billie came up behind me and reached over to the microwave, grabbing her plate. "thank you" she whispered.

"text me when you get there, i love you" i told her while turning back to the counter to clean.

"i love you" she said back and walked away.

no matter how upset or mad she makes me, i will forever love her.

after i cleaned we took the kids on a walk to the park so ariella could play at the park and jayden could nap.

"oh my god! alaia is that you?" i looked up from jayden and saw serenity coming towards me. "serenity?!" i smiled. "girl how have you been? i haven't seen you since we were in jersey" she pulled me into a hug.

"what are you doing here? is this little one yours?" she sat beside me and looked down at jayden. "no" i laughed "this is my godson, my daughter is over there with her godmother" i pointed at ariella who was running wild away from josh and victoria.

"do you have a kid? how come you're here?" i laid jayden down into his stroller since he was now asleep. "yes my daughter is over there on the swings with her dad" she pointed over to a little brunette girl. "her name is emilia" she smiled as she looked over. "what's your daughters name?"

"ariella," i cheesed because i talked about this name forever.

"who's the dad?"

"uhm, jonah but he passed away a few days ago" i sighed "i'm with billie now. we've been back together for a few months" i nodded.

"where is she?"

"we're not speaking right now" i chuckled

"here take my number, we can have the girls play sometime" she smiled and i handed her my phone.

"see you later" she smiled as she walked away with her husband and daughter.