Therapy session.

The spark with a flame

———————- FOREWARNINGS ———————
This story's contains abuse, drug use, swearing, anxiety, grooming, suicide attempts, and more, By reading this, your agreeing your okay reading it.

Unfortunate, my names Tallie. Most people call me tal or Tallie mark- I don't like it. I was born February 21st 2010 with my father Peter powers and my mother Stefanie pierzina, now obviously I do not remember much as a baby and most of what I remember is in a different age- like for example I thought I moved once in 2017 but it was 2015 instead, well, besides that. Me and my family moved to a apartment next to my aunt and uncle with their adorable dog named Robert. My dad later on was kicked out due to my mom dating another man constantly, I remember the beautiful Minnie Mouse room I had and all the beautiful toys.. I was always a tired and quiet child, I was never loud. I like peace. My dad, since he was kicked out, went to go live on the streets in the cities about an hour away, not even my grandpa, named Dave powers, wouldn't even take him in. As I grew older, the more I started living with my grandparents instead of my mother, she was busy with whatever and I, her child, at my grandpa and grandmas. I always called my grandpa papa. Simply cause its easier, he always was there for me when I needed it. We had a tiny kiddie pool, I love water. I spent a lot of time In it, and since we live in northern us, boy is it cold up here- but went summer came, i just loved it. It went from the time my grandma grew flowers, or the fact I got to have freebies and play in the cute bubbles. But don't get me wrong, I also really love winter. The beautiful snow, it's all so simple. So small, complex. And the coldness is comforting in a way no other thing can be.

Well, 2014 came and I started moving near my mom more and we moved to a new place. My papa lives in our basement, I share a room with my sister and my mom has her own room. I lost a lot of teeth and so much happened during this time of life, I would always drink my papas ice tea, and one time I lost my tablet on our four wheeler- boy was that a journey. You can't forget my magic tree in our backyard. It was amazing. Sometimes you just have to remember hard parts come too, you can't have happiness without a tiny bit of sadness right? When I started living with my mom more, the less attention grew, I was only 4 and I didn't have much to speak up for, I started suffocating myself until my mom came in my room. All she did was scream, I was never comforted for anything. Some of the happy memories were my favorite though. I had a friend name trinity, my only friend actually. I saved her from bullying in kindergarten and were great friends- we used to play in my front yard as my mom would bring us sliced cucumber, my favorite. I soon grew attachment issues, and stuck to my sister in return. I felt so lonely. I felt unloved, but I atleast had my papa.

The more I grew the more I talked about death, I'm fascinated about it, what happens when we die? And the pain of other people dying makes it worse, since I grew around my grandparents didn't help, I used to make them promise if one of them died to never love someone else, I can't handle pain, I never could. That's what got me.
There's so many questions I'd ask, so as I grew i learnt faster, developed faster than most kids. In 2015 I moved to my newest house, where I would live forever, my mom said. As this happened, things went downhill. I moved far away from my grandparents, and my friend- what am I supposed to do? Well, I painted my room blue and I "got to decorate it" but really my mom did. Atleast she has good style I thought. At around this age I started making youtube video but my mother digressed, screaming that I can get taken away if I make videos, that I'm in danger. That I'm done for, she thought. I never believed her though. By the 1st grade I was reading 100 words and at the top of my class, but nothing can ever be good can it? I started physically ill and my anxiety was rising rapidly. First it was pink eye, then I started passing out when I did visit my grandparents and no one believed I was ill. I started puking up in my sleep, and I went to tell my mom, I showered and got driven to the emergency room where I was getting vitals in me and I couldn't do anything. I was in the hospital room for a week, one of my family members had died too. My classmates made carts for me, I loved my classmates, the only people who cared for me. When I got back, I slowly started developing a crush on a guy named Tyler. He was so sweet to me, so nice. By 2nd grade I started getting more depressed, at home my mom started forcing me to do things otherwise I'd either be physically forced or manipulated.
I started having to take care of our house, our 9 cats, buying food, and my little sister. My mom was always asleep, she acted like she was a normal mom and lie to me. I thought it was normal. I stopped getting sleep.

As I grew, I also had a new friend named Jaquaara. She lived next to me, went to the same bus and same school. She was my only friend, the one I actually trusted but my mind messed it all up. My moms a manipulator, someone I knew was lying but she's my mom right? She made me hate mutlitple people- people who did nothing. She would take me out of school for no reason, people I grew to dislike. And I feel so bad for them, they didn't deserve it. My mom fooled me. Me and jaquaara started becoming on and off friends in 2nd grade after she wrote a note- I don't remember what it said, but it was bad. And no one believed me because she threw it away, she would kick me under chairs, and more. My teacher though was nice, funny, and more. She saved me, she made me want to write. To do what I do today, I'm glad.

Me and jaquaara became friends again, but it was still the same. Her friend Vanessa, I disliked. Not because of any reason and I don't hate her, I want to give her a chance. They would bully me by making jokes on the bus, I grew to hate jokes because of it, jaquaara chased me down our road. But we were still great friends. After school, we were into mischief, it started off with us sneaking into a neighbours yard with a dog. Ended up with a bloody nose, or going swimming, and you can't forget the time we took a walk. My mom was mad for that. As I grew, my mom started taking me out of school more and more, I barely saw anyone. One time, she took me out to just spray 1,200 US dollars onto her uncles lot after getting mad at him for no reason. Now, there was some good during the times she would. Like when she would take me out to go to her friends for Halloween- who lived next to my rich auntie. Boy I loved them. Later, as i grew up I started playing on my tablet more- doing YouTube more, and when I was 8 I met a girl named Emily. We became close, fun fact, I never knew what love really was, I grew scared of saying no, and the girl asked to become friends on twitter so I said yes, and she asked if I was lesbian, scared of saying no and even not knowing what it was, I said yes, and we started dating that same day. As we dated she would get angry at anyone close to me, which didn't help with my mom having the same issues, I was like cut off from anyone in my life, I hated it.

Later on, my tablet broke, once it got turned on, she was very mad. But as our relationship ship grew she stopped texting me, tired of it all, I changed my age and twitter was gonna delete my account in 69 days, I texted her everyday and it was soon deleted. As everyday grew longer, my mom started going out more and buying us food instead of the occasional of me shopping and being "a fatass" to her, she'd always say that. One night, as my birth giver was out, the cops came and asked to search our house, your probably wondering why I'm not suprised, instead I was scared. My mom built it in me but I acted calm and let them, they ended up arrested my mom and putting me and my sisters who were hiding in my room, in my grandparents custody for temporaries. This wasn't the only time, one time her and her friend were drinking underage (her friend was) and when cops came she just had to call my grandpa for help didn't she, he ended up getting arrested. But I knew this wouldn't be the last, it just couldn't be, right? Later on, after my mom got me and my sister back into her custody I started hating her own love and affection towards me, I guess all of her abuse got to me finally. Well I started trying to run away with my 4 year old sister, and one time she had once caught me. Of course she didn't like that so she told me I had a choice to choose either between her or my grandparents. It being obvious I had chosen my grandparents, originally she had threatened to kick me out but this this time she full on kicked me out, i guess her illegal to go out with wet hair was a lie because i was doing it now, in the moment i had ran to Jaquarra's, and asked her mom to call the police. She said they were coming and when they got there I got questioned but I actually had everything under control and everything was going to be alright, right?

They called my grandparents to put me in temporary custody, when we got back to moms house she was holding my sister, tayla, her begging to not take tayla. But everything went slow- why not me? Am I not important anymore? Am I not enough? I raised her, sacraficed myself.. I am the sole reason my sister is the person she is, right? Why not me. Soon enough, she gave up my sister into care and got arrested, and now I had realized. I'm free, it's time for me to grow, be the child I never was, I will never ever, be the same person, sure I won't live here anymore, but I can be in my own world where none of this ever happened, and then heal, have the dream- the reality, now of course. No more of her saying her magical dead brother said for her to give me the iPad back as I cried in the background, or me kicking holes in the walll, no more of her calling my papa and exposing my secrets, no more of her throwing my shit when I was just talking, no more of her doing any of that. Now it's my prime time and I'm never letting it go. Finally.