Weird but Fucking Beautiful

Chapter 9: It's Fine

Cassia's pov.

I wake up in the morning to find that at some point Ronan left before I woke up. I feel part of me sink into sadness. I really hope my confession last night didn't scare him or freak him out. If he doesn't like me I guess I would understand. Honestly, the confession caught me by surprise but when he held me close it just became so clear...the way I almost crave to be close to him. The way I always want to cheer him up and how he is always the first person I think of for anything.

I honestly know I shouldn't like him. I mean he is my best friend's sister and all. Shit speaking of my best friend, I promised to meet her at the mall at noon. Looking at my phone I frown realizing it's 11:30 and I have 5 texts on my phone. One from Roman telling me he had to go out for something this morning at 6 am. The other 4 from Evie asking if I am still meeting her or if I've decided to continue 'choosing her weird brother over her.' Ouch. I shoot her back a text saying I'll be there and I am leaving now. It's a lie but Evie and I do that to each other. 'I am leaving now' really means I'll see you in an hour to us.

I get out of bed and grab clothes before going to the bathroom. I noticed that Ronan was evidentially not joking when he said his roommates would be ex-roommates because only his stuff and my stuff are in the bathroom now. I let my hair out of its braid thankful that it's not a frizzy mess. I put on a pair of high-waisted jeans and a baby pink long-sleeve shirt with a bow on the front and lace trimmings. I grab my white fluffy jacket from the night before and my pink ballet flats before heading to meet Evie at the mall.

Finding Evie at a mall is definitely the easiest thing to do. The girl likes two stores Earth Bound and Urban Outfitters. Today she is located at Urban Outfitters because it has more stuff that could be either of our styles. I go over to where she is looking at sweatpants and tap her on the shoulder causing her to look at me.

"Hey, I think I know you? We like went to the same elementary school right?" I tease in a way we normally do when we hang out after not seeing each other for a while. Evie rolls her eyes at me but gives a small smile.

"Hmm no, I don't think" Evie teases back. "How was everything with Ron last night?"

"Uhm, I am not sure it is my place to talk about how things are going in his life...but he is mostly doing fine I think," I say feeling awkward.

"What so not only do you spend more time with him than me, sleep over at his house, and text him all the time but you're also keeping secrets with him?" She says clearly annoyed. I sigh deeply.

"Evie, I am not trying to upset you. I have just been trying to help Ronan out...he doesn't have a lot of people in his corner. He has been helping me out too..." I say awkwardly.

"He has plenty of people in his corner...like Chris and Connor. Ronan would be just fine without you and you would be fine without him. Unless you like have a crush on him what is the point" She says jokingly but it makes my face go ruby red. "OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MY BROTHER" She shrieks loudly. I feel my embarrassment grow.

"Jesus, keep your voice down Evie. Look Ronan does not have a lot of people in his corner...I never told you this if you talk to him...but I mean you don't talk to him, Chris and Connor have kinda screwed him over, Connor is moving out and everything, his dad is in jail right now waiting on a trial date that is still has not been set. He doesn't really seem to put himself out there or let a lot of people in. I think I am the only one in his corner right now." I say quietly feeling my cheeks still burn with the blush.

"But you don't deny that you like my brother?" Evie says in a teasing tone like we are back in junior high.

"Is that really the only thing you got out of all that? I mean I just gave up all of your brother's troubles so you wouldn't be mad at me anymore and you're focused on if I like him" I say crossing my arms really hoping the subject will drop. I already feel awkward enough about my stupid confession to Ronan himself last night.

"Well I have the right to know if you like my brother! Don't you think I might have thoughts, feelings and opinions about my best friend dating my brother! Also I can't do much about Ronan's issues so I am more worried about my issue...YOU!" She says huffing. I roll my eyes.

"Okay first off I am not your issue. I am 19 turning 20 in January! Second, I am not dating your brother...I...I do like him but I don't think he feels the same way. I think he just sees me as a friend...which is fine because you are right...you're my best friend! I should not even think of having a crush on your brother, I am sorry. I will do better at not letting it affect me in anyway. Third, there is something you can do to help Ronan...you could try working out your issues. Look Evie, he told me why you guys were not talking right now. I think it is unfair to act like you would not do the same thing if you were in his shoes. No one wants to think their dad is capable of murdering their mother and step father. I know Ronan is hurting from it all just as much as you are. I think you should try to support each other instead of pushing each other away...you might regret pushing him away later. I wish I would have had a sibling when my mom passed away then maybe my dad's full 180 on personality and behavior wouldn't have felt so...isolating." I ramble taking a deep breath when I am done talking feeling like I had just tried to say the whole spill without one. I get so worked up when I talk about how things went after my mom died.

My dad use to not be a crazy man who would accuse his only daughter of disgracing her dead mother but when mom got sick something in him snapped. It was like he got sick too. He became cold, cruel, and really distant. When mom's cancer took her, he may as well died too at least the man he use to be. He all but abandoned me and of course Evie knows all of this. When my dad left me alone for 6 months in 6th grade Evie found out. She started inviting me over, her parents only let me stay the night on weekends but it was the only times after mom died I actually had food to eat, electricity, water, and company when I was younger.

When my dad was home, I had no choice but to stay there because he was so controlling. He would hardly see me but when he was around I can only do what he wanted me to and go where he said I could. It was like that until I got kicked out. I know that had I not gotten kicked out it would have continued well after. It is half the reason I have the eating habits I do. The other half was the comments I got as a teen about being so skinny and pretty that I should never change. Sometimes I wonder if he is even aware of how much he has changed. When mom was around he was so caring and thoughtful. He use to take us on trips every weekend and play with me after work. He use to read to me and help me with my homework. He use to care.

"Are you crazy? Ronan clearly likes you trust me, at the parties or school when I see you two it is super gross cuteness. He is like a little puppy dog who thinks he can be a big scary guard dog if you need him to be. I don't care if you date Ronan...I do care if you lock me out because of it. You were my best friend before you were anything to him. I have been in your life for 8 years and I will be around even if he isn't Cassia. You are right...I should fix things with him...but it's hard for me too. You think I want to face the fact that my half brother's dad might have killed our mom and my dad? I use to stay over at Jerry's house some weekends because he loved that Ronan and I were such close siblings but I know he hated my mom. He couldn't stand her." She says shrugging and frowning. I give Evie a great big best friends hug like we use to give each other as kids.

"You'll always be my number one!" I tell her sincerely. When Evie and I are done with the mall, I head back to the house so I can put our stuff away, we both have a shopping problem, and Evie goes to Greyson's house because he wants to take her on a dinner date. I text Ronan to see what he is up and if he wants to hang. Since we started talking we normally text like all day and hang out any chance we are free.

Also because I am nervous that he feels weird or different about me in some way since I had to go and blab my big mouth about how much I liked him. He tells me that he is sorry but he is super busy and has too much to do the rest of the weekend. I text him back letting him knows that perfectly okay and I would just see him on Wednesday when we have lunch together. He leaves me on read furthering my uneasy and anxious feelings about our friendship now. I take a deep breath determined not to let my anxiety spiral. He probably just needs a few days to think about everything...it's all totally fine.