Weird but Fucking Beautiful

Chapter 11: 'Til You Make It

Ronan's Pov.

Greyson ended up moving into Connor's old room after I saw Evie at the coffee shop and has been pretty chill so far. He is a lot less of a prick than Connor was and doesn't try to fight everyone once a day which is a really nice change of pace. Chris hasn't been around the house a lot lately because now that they are signed on to a record they have to work a lot. I can already see the changes they are making him take because he doesn't dress in his normal clothes anymore he is a lot more clean-cut now and even dyed his hair back to brown. When he wasn't selling himself out it was a bright red.

I still haven't seen Cassia since last Friday but I have decided there is no point in skipping our usual lunch hang-out. I don't think that trying to distance myself from her to protect her means that I have to be out of her life completely. It just means that these feelings we have for each other need to be ignored and we need to just stay friends so I don't hang out with her all the time anymore. I do worry about her though, she hasn't slept at my house all week so far and I worry she isn't taking care of herself again which is another reason for me to go see her for lunch.

After my music theory class I head over to the school's dining hall and decide to get a burrito today. I also get chips, a coke, and a cookie before I go check out. I head over to the table Cassia and I always sit, well it is actually the table I sit at anytime I am in here. I have sat at this table since freshman year of college because I am a real creature of habit I guess. Cassia comes over wearing a pink sweater with a pleated pink/grey plaid skirt. She is wearing long white socks and grey boots Her golden hair is loosely curled today instead of its normal curl and she has on enough makeup to let her freckles only peak through a little. She only has a bottle of water and an apple causing me to frown a little but I try to make sure she doesn't notice this.

You cause her not to eat when you stress her out. I bet she hasn't been sleeping either. You're such a selfish guy.

"Hey kiddo, how has your week been?" I ask casually as she sits down trying to ignore the intrusive thoughts that come around constantly now.

"Hey Row, it's been pretty good so far honestly! I made a dress for my friend Luara who is also doing fashion and I had a sleep over with her and Evie last night. It was super fun. How about you" She asks giving me a smile that honestly could make anyone melt. It is unfair how cute she can be and how her smile makes you want to smile. It's like a drop of sunlight, warm and bright.

You'll destroy that smile and the light that comes with it.

"Uhm it's been fine. I talked to Evie on Monday and Greyson ended up moving into the room Connor use to be in" I tell her once again pushing the thoughts away. I shift a little uncomfortable in my seat.

"Hey maybe after lunch today we can study together. My class got canceled because my professor is sick so I am free for the rest of the day!" She says sounding excited at the prospect of spending more time together.

You need to keep your distance. Tell her you're busy. You can't get too close. Wouldn't wanna hurt her.

"I'm sorry, Cassia. I can't.....I have to....help....Greyson finish moving some stuff" I lie terribly because I hate lying to anyone. Especially to a girl who has done nothing but support me.

"Oh okay..." she says sounding skeptical and deflated now. Her smile turns into a frown. Guilt hits me like a wave and I instantly regret lying to her.

"Well.. I mean I guess I can always see if he needs help unpacking later today." I say out of instinct, just wanting to anything to turn that frown back into a smile.

"Sooooo...we can hang out today? That is good! I was beginning to think you were avoiding me..." She says giving a small smile.

"No never.. I just.. I don't wanna make us codependent or um.. I don't know.. I'm not meaning to avoid you I just want us to stay positive for each other if that makes sense? I'm sorry Cass..." I try my best to explain. Cassia frowns deeply this time and her blue eyes look glassy like she actually might cry.