A Court of Shadows And Lights

CHAPTER 42

I wanted to say no so badly, but I couldn't. I couldn't shake my head and I couldn't bring my lips to say the word.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about how it felt to be inside you Marls. Let me feel again. Please"

I think I whimpered and bit down into his bottom lip. I didn't think I'd need to hear those words as much as I did. And I knew it would hurt tomorrow, so much more than it had last time, but for now I needed him. I needed to pretend everything was alright again and that I didn't feel like hell all the time.

He hefted me up by my thighs and had them wrapped around his hips. I gasped and wrapped my arms around his neck to grip his hair tightly. I hadn't had this in weeks and it was making me nervous again. Of course I remembered how it was to have him and what it felt like when he made me feel good or what he sounded like when I did. But this was different.

This was a one time thing. He wanted this and I wanted this. Maybe I needed this because I needed his touch more than anything.

But then he'd leave and then I would never get him back again.

He pushed the door open behind me and carried me inside my little room. It felt different with him here. With his mouth on mine and his hands gripping my thighs. His shadows were everywhere in the little room and he sat down on the edge of the tiny bed, me straddling his hips.

We both let out a moan at it and then I kissed him again, putting everything I had into the kiss. I needed him to kiss me like this one last time.

I had thought that last time was enough and that it would give me closure, but it hadn't. Not when I thought about him every minute of every day.

I reached down between us, knowing I was fully ready to take him now. I didn't even need him to get me ready and I didn't want him to either. I didn't want to drag this on and remember how good he could make me feel with everything he did. I just needed to feel him.

I complained at his laces because I still didn't know how to open them properly. He helped me, not bothering to stop kissing me. The kiss was rough, yet so good I couldn't imagine ever stopping this.

When he undid the laces I wrapped my hand around him, noticing he was so ready for me too. He was hard and thick and I'd forgotten how warm he was in my hand. I gave him a few steady thrusts and he groaned deeply, pulling away and holding my wrist, taking a steadying breath.

He gripped my hips and lifted me up to stand on my legs that didn't feel like mine anymore. I had to grip his shoulders to steady myself and I was glad he was holding me up too.

His hands dipped under my dress and held my eyes while he pulled down my underwear, helping me step out of it. Then he carefully lifted my left sleeve and it took me a moment to react and push his hand away from it. If I saw that while we did anything at all, I wouldn't feel good. I would feel worse.

And I knew I had started to accept them, but the moment I had stopped seeing Azriel I had gone back to the start. Not being able to look at them or function if I wasn't wearing a long sleeve shirt.

I saw something flash in his eyes but he didn't comment on it, probably knowing that it wouldn't help anyways because he would be gone by tomorrow again.

I got back on his lap, his arms wrapped around me, helping me. I pushed up on my knees, wanting to lower myself onto his cock. But he held me still.

We had only done this once before.

"This is going to go very quick like that Marls," he warned.

I didn't care.

Maybe it was the knowledge that he would really be gone again by morning, or that this time around I knew the pain it would cause me, that made this hurt so much. On the one hand, I wanted this. Needed to feel this and feel his hands on me, needed him to just want me one more time.