Alastor x Lucifer oneshots

Skits (idk what to call these)

Charlie: Mom or Alastor?

Lucifer: Ducks
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Alastor: Salutations, the name's Alastor the Radio Demon. And you are?

Lucifer: Questioning my sexuality
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Charlie: Okay, dad. Imagine you have two ducks and someone asks for one. What do you have?

Lucifer: Two ducks

Charlie: Okay, imagine someone forcefully took one. What would you have?

Lucifer: Two ducks and a dead body.

Charlie: Dad, no-
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Lilith: I am going to leave you, and no woman will ever love you again

Lucifer: *falls for man aka Alastor*

Lilith: Wait, what-

Lucifer: *feels joy for the first time in years*

Lilith:.....
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Lucifer: Hm? Really? Well then, I hate you

Alastor: No, you don't

Lucifer: No, I don't
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Lucifer: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss

Vaggie: Punch him in the stomach, then when he doubles over in pain. Kiss him

Cherry: Tackle him

Husker: Dump him

Nifty: Kick him in the shins

Alastor:*from across the room* JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN!
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Lucifer:*shining a flashlight at Alastor*

Alastor: My love, what are you doing?

Lucifer: Deer in headlights.

Alastor:.....

Lucifer:.....

Alastor:....run
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Charlie: Does anyone know what size Alastor is??

Husker: Pretty sure a small

Lucifer: He's a large

Husker: A large? Are you insane? Alastor would look like a child if he were to wear a shirt in large

Lucifer: Wait, you're talking about shirt sizes?

Charlie: Uh yeah, dad, what were you talk-....

Lucifer:.....

Everyone else:.....

Lucifer:....so you see when two people love each other very much-..
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