Yes, Chef

Chapter 8: Inspiration

~Benedict's POV~

I escaped to the comfort of the tattoo shop backroom as soon as I could manage. I didn't have an appointment and I hoped to fuck that she would answer. I tried to implement the breathing exercises she had shown me to manage my anxiety, different than the ones she showed me to control my anger, as I waited for her to pick up.

The phone clicked and I heard her voice in an echoed, distant tone. "Go ahead and skip my turn. I have to take this...No, don't wait!"

"Benedict, you there?"

Relief just at the sound of her voice rushes over me. I both love and hate that she has that effect on me. Also that she is one of the few people in my life that calls me by my full name.

"I am." I reply.

"Is everything okay? I was actually shocked to see your name pop up. Do we need to cancel tonight?" She asks with an edge of concern.

"No but I...I needed to talk through something. Brenna informed me that Chase and his wife are in tonight." Chase Bron. The guy who triggered my turning point in counseling with a superficially innocuous sentence that brought me to my knees. Mads saw it for the opportunity it presented and four weeks later, we have made a shit ton of progress that has me feeling less guilt over my family tragedy and more in control of my emotions. Even my staff has noticed.

"So what's the game plan? Have you changed the specials for the night?" I haven't but I sure as hell thought about it more than once.

"No. No. I'm confident in what I have on deck...I think." I run through the courses. I had some breakthroughs on recipes that were kicking around my head for some time. Turns out if I'm not on edge all the time I can actually accomplish what I set my mind to.

"Which dish are you most confident in?" She pries.

Without hesitation. "The short rib topped gorgonzola polenta medallions."

"Sounds pretty damn inspired to me. Now I'm hungry." She mutters. "Alright, so focus on that dish. Don't worry about everything. Just focus on executing that one dish perfectly."

"But what happens if he doesn't order it?" The anxiety bubbles up at the idea of not putting my all into every dish that leaves the kitchen and banking on one to show my worth.

"Don't food writers gravitate towards chef recommendations?" She has a point.

"Yes."

"Remember the goal here is not to win him over. It's to show you are capable of the one thing he believes you're missing. And it's about how you feel doing it more so than his thoughts on the matter." She repeats the strategy she outlined weeks before about handling triggering criticism.

"I knew you'd be able to settle me." I respond feeling my body release more tension. She called it reframing. Chase's article was ninety-five percent positive and I got hung up on the other five percent because it was a self-doubt I harbored tied to all the other stuff that had happened in my life.

"I'm just here to remind you of what you already know. Are we still on for tonight?" She questions.

"Yeah, unless you have a hot date or something." I tease but feel oddly unsettled with that possibility.