Yes, Chef

Chapter 22: I Can't Help But Wonder

~ Benedict's POV ~

I'm in a foul mood headed into Monday but I need to get my head out of my ass before it starts jeopardizing my livelihood all over again. I start the day by sending Mads a text.

Good luck on your first day. You're going to be great in whatever you do.

I stare at my phone, waiting to see if she reads and responds to my message. That'll give me an idea of how fucked we are. She caught me off-guard yesterday morning on several fronts. I wasn't lying when I confessed that I didn't know what I was doing trying to reconcile with her.

Then she dropped that bullshit about Val and trying to commute my mandated hours. If she cared, if sge really fucking cared, she would have consulted with me first. But my internal voice reminds me of why she might not have done that either. And I'm back to being utterly confused. And hurt.

I'm supposed to be interviewing a potential sous chef. If they make it past this stage, they cook with us one night as a trial run. Kurt and Jamie are with me and while it's supposed to me leading this thing, my focus is not here and it's pissing me off.

I end up leaving them to finish up while I retreat to try and clear my mind. Twenty minutes pass before they are both standing in my office door. Jamie asks the question burning in both their eyes. "What's going on?"

I choose to play dumb. My brow furrows. "What do you mean? How did the interview finish?"

"We assumed you leaving meant you weren't a fan." Kurt admits.

I groan loudly and drop my head to the desk. Yes, it's dramatic but better than hulking out, which used to be my default. "I was interested. I just couldn't focus and didn't want to give off the wrong vibe."

"Well too late for that." Jamie sasses and I feel my anger begging to be released.

Instead I pivot. "I actually met someone this weekend who might be interested. We should bring her in. She headed up the catering company but has a whole history working back of the house."

"Okay and are you going to wig out of that meeting too?" Jamie again comes at me.

"Chef, what's going on? Maybe we can help talk you through it." Kurt takes the gentler approach.

I look at them both and decide to try. "Well, Mads and I...we...hooked up but now we're...fighting? I don't even know."

"I told you it had to do with her." Jamie hisses at Kurt under her breath.

"Why are you fighting?" Kurt asks.

I tilt my head back and sort through everything that bubbled to the surface. "She regrets us getting together. She wants out of the entire situation. She went behind my back to Teddy." I drop my head to look at them both. "Oh and she suggested that I do an interview with Val."

"Wow, that's a lot to unpack." Jamie mutters.

"You know clearing the air with Val wouldn't be a bad idea." Kurt agrees. I shoot him a glare.

"You're not helping." Jamie tells Kurt. Her eyes flick back to me. "So what do you want to see happen here, Chef?"

"I don't know. That's part of why I'm so damned distracted. She left yesterday before we could really talk through it. Well, let me correct that. I told her to leave." I recount, feeling guilty all over again.