Yes, Chef

Chapter 17: I Can't Say I'm Mad

~Mads's POV~

I'm feeling raw after Benedict's session last night. He admitted that part of why he doesn't trust himself to have much of a life outside of work is fear of not being able to balance the two, especially when he has to sacrifice one for the other. It's the root of his guilt over Britt's death.

While it was a good session as far as him vocalizing his anxieties and coming to terms with how it contributes to his performance, it was the second time I've seen him utterly breakdown. While I was somewhat impervious the first time, this time it hit differently and I felt like crying right alongside him. It felt like I was grieving a loss too.

I texted him this morning to check in and haven't received anything in return yet. I know better than to expect a response but I hope he sees it as a sign of support. Now I'm trying to get my head sorted again. I must be losing my touch because I used to be able to compartmentalize better. Or maybe it's just him.

I distract myself from those thoughts by heading onto campus to purchase my textbooks and learn the location of my classes. After the bookstore clerk mistakes me for a student parent and I get sticker shock after buying the three required textbooks, I'm suddenly doubting this life choice.

But then I remind myself that I have nothing to be ashamed of as a returning student. I had a lucrative career and now I just want something different. If anything I'm a role model for the younger generation. And with Whitmer paying my tuition, as he promised he would for me taking on Benedict, my savings account can handle the semester book tax.

I head to the gym. Joellen bailed. Her hands were apparently full with something she didn't care to divulge and I was still running cold with her so I didn't dig. She'll tell me once it's sorted. I'll eventually forgive her too. It's how we have managed to stay friends for so long.

It doesn't take Garrison long to come sniffing around. I'm not sure if it is Joellen's absence or our impending group outing, but he seems particularly emboldened today as he greets me with a pat on my ass.

"Uh what was that?" I question his action.

"What?" He asks, fully fucking aware of what I am calling him on given his shit-eating grin.

"You touched my ass." I state, slowing my pace to a brisk walk.

"Oh. It's habit. A friendly acknowledgement." He explains.

"Well please don't do it again." I state firmly, my annoyance apparent.

"Noted." He responds which sure as hell doesn't sound like an apology. I go to put my headphones in and resume my run when he interjects. "Actually I wanted to ask if we could spend some time together tomorrow night."

"Uh yeah, I'll be around." I answer, being intentionally noncommittal.

"I meant alone. Just the two of us. I've been patient." He tries to coax me into rewarding him or something.

"Garrison, you know Vic..." I start to use my brother as an excuse.

"He said it's okay. That as long as you're into it, he's alright with me getting to know you better." He interrupts. Of course my brother did.

"Well, I'm... I'm..." I am trying to come up with something. I spot Fuller walking into the gym and signing in at the front desk. The desk attendant is flirting shamelessly with him and he's enjoying the view of her tits that she's offering everyone brave enough to look.