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February 1995
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Jimmy's Point Of View

As I clocked out of work, the chill in the air matched the coldness in my thoughts about Janeane

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As I clocked out of work, the chill in the air matched the coldness in my thoughts about Janeane. It had only been a day, but shaking off the anger was like trying to thaw ice with my bare hands. I should've been over her, she's history, done and dusted. But damn, what kind of twisted game was she playing?

Yesterday evening, I swung by her place to check in, especially after she dropped the bomb about being pregnant a few days back. We needed to sort things out. But something didn't sit right. I could read her like an open book, and I just knew she wasn't pregnant. Nothing added up.

Confronting her, she confessed to sabotaging a condom, thinking it would secure her pregnancy. When she dropped that bombshell, I lost it, man. Who pulls that kind of crap, especially knowing what I'm going through? I ain't ready for no kid, not with my messed-up life. As much as I crave a family, it ain't the time.

Janeane? She's out of my life, trust shattered beyond repair.

But then there's Trish. Why the hell was she there? She looked like she wanted to say something, but I didn't stick around to hear it. No time for talk, no desire to be in that space.

I couldn't shake the thought of how long she and her friend lingered, witnessing the drama. Part of me feared she'd spill our business to her circle, but her expression gave me pause. Maybe she wouldn't, but then again, it's Trish. She's never been one to keep quiet about our business.

Shaking off those thoughts, I headed to my mom's porch, going inside.

I saw Lilly, which whose eyes were glued to some cartoon on the TV. Meanwhile I caught Greg lounging on the couch.

I Rolled my eyes at his presence. What the hell was he doing here, anyway?

My mom turned to me, about to speak, but Greg cut her off. "What's your problem, Rabbit?"

"I ain't got no problem," I replied, tossing my jacket and beanie aside, the tension boiling beneath the surface.

But Greg could see right through me, reading the anger in my eyes and the way I carried myself. "You obviously got a problem, rollin' your eyes and whatnot."

My mom shot Greg a look, silently urging him to back off.

"I told you, I ain't got a problem, alright? Step off, Greg," I snapped, my voice firm.

"Don't be a pussy, Rabbit. Speak up," Greg taunted, oblivious to the tension thickening in the room.

Lilly watched the exchange, confusion creasing her brow as the conflict disrupted her TV time.

"You're my problem, yo—always comin' around here, bossin' people around like you own the place," I retorted, my tone defiant.

Greg rose from the couch, advancing towards me. "I'll have you know, I do pay the damn bills around here. That's why your washed-up mother keeps me around. If it wasn't for me, you and your dumbo sister wouldn't have a roof over your heads, you hear me?" he spat.

I met his gaze, my fists clenching at my sides. "You think you're some kind of savior, huh? Just 'cause you throw a few bucks around? That don't give you the right to disrespect my mom or me, dawg."

Lilly looked between us, her worry evident, but I was done holding back.

"You're lucky I even let you stay here. You should be grateful instead of mouthing off," Greg jabbed a finger in my direction.

"Grateful? For what? For you bossing everyone around like you own the place?" I shot back, the anger simmering beneath the surface threatening to boil over.

My mom stepped closer, her voice pleading for peace. "Please, let's not do this now...Greg, Rabbit, can't we just—"

I gently pushed her back, signaling for her to leave us alone.

"Get your son, Stephanie," Greg warned, his patience wearing thin.

But I couldn't hold back any longer. "Most of the time you can't even pay the bills, yo. You always wanna spend your lil cash on a bottle of beer and cigarettes."

"Rabbit, can y'all just quit it?" My mom pleaded, her eyes begging for calm.

"No! His alcoholic ass always wants to sit around and act all entitled and shit, yo! I can't believe you still bring his ass around here—He literally just insulted you, and Lilly! And you still wanna let him sit around here?!" I snapped, the anger I'd kept bottled up now spilling out, directed not just at Greg, but at my mom too.

"Quit speakin' to your goddamn mother that way," Greg shoved me, igniting a fire within me that I couldn't contain. With a roar of anger, I lunged at him, tackling him to the ground.

Every time Greg showed up at our house, the anger bubbling inside me just ignited. I unleashed a flurry of punches, fueled by years of resentment, but it didn't last long. Lilly's cries snapped me out of my frenzy, making me realize the mess I'd created.

As Greg shoved me aside and stormed out, he hurled insults at me, but I brushed them off. My mom pleaded for him to stay, acting like he was some kind of savior. It made my blood boil. Rushing to Lilly, I tried to reassure her, regretting scaring her like that. We couldn't have all this chaos around her; she was just a little girl.

Despite my mom's pleas, Greg slammed the door shut, leaving the house eerily quiet. "Rabbit, what the hell is wrong with you?!" My mom screamed at me, her anger palpable. I knew she wouldn't let up, so I sent Lilly to her room for the time being.

"Look, Ma...I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking," I sighed, attempting to calm the storm.

"I don't give a shit, Rabbit! You can't cause chaos like that around here...you're putting my life on the damn line!" she shouted, her frustration evident.

"Because I threw a few punches at one of your little boyfriends?! The dude ain't no good for you, calm down!" I shot back, my own temper flaring. I could feel Lilly flinch beside me.

My mother took a deep breath as her eyes trailed off. "..Rabbit..., Greg was talkin' about movin me and Lilly somewhere. Somewhere a lot better than this trashy motor town. He said we'd be rich, livin better with him...." As she spoke, my eyes already began to roll and I already started scoffing, knowin' that Greg's words were completely empty. He said shit to just say it and have my mama keep him around for longer. And I'm afraid my mama will never catch on to that. "...That's why you can't disrespect him like that, Rabbit, he could flip our damn lives around."

Grabbing my jacket, I ignored her warnings about the shelter, knowing she'd never understand. "I'm going to the shelter," I stated firmly, pulling on my beanie before I grabbed Lilly. My mom didn't bother putting up a fight about me taking Lilly to Ms. Mae's.

Her disapproving gaze followed me as I headed for the door, but I didn't give her the satisfaction of a response. She tried to belittle me with her words, but I'd learned to tune her out, especially when it came to my rap battles.

Janeane and Trish's faces swirled in my mind alongside the altercation with Greg and my mom, a tumultuous sea of emotions. I just needed to escape, to clear my head at the shelter. Tired of people telling me I'd never make it, I questioned whether battling was even worth it anymore. Maybe they were right...maybe I was just a "broke, washed up white boy" after all.

Right.

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