Love Letter

Hello there????

May 23rd....

Alison, darling, it's me, Tom.

It's been so long, darling. Are you ok? I'm so sorry about how we parted company. I feel so bad. If there was anything I could have done to meet up with you, I PROMISE I would have. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, please?

If you're still reading, and God knows I pray you are, how are you doing, love? Is there any news of treatment? Is there anything I can do? Please, tell me. I want to help. I don't want you to be alone.

Bobby sends his love and a little bark.  I was able to bring him on this trip. He even has his own little passport! I think, being completely honest, he's the one getting the VIP treatment, and I'm just one of his entourage. I swear he side-eyed me when I asked for some more champagne the other day!

I tried to Zoom call you last week, but, as is my usual, I made a complete arse of it.  Don't ask me how, but I managed to end up calling some random woman. She was extremely surprised to see me, not to mention I was mortified as I was in my dressing gown!! Luke is NEVER going to allow me to forget it, I can assure you. You would have laughed darling, at least, I hope you would. 

With hindsight, maybe I was a little too presumptive. Let me know if you want me to try and mortify myself again? I'd honestly love the chance... and THIS time, I've saved your details properly into my phone. No calling random women next time.

So, tell all about what's been going on with you? Even just your last trip to the supermarket? You have NO idea how much I yearn for some normality just now. All this Hollywood stuff? Good enough in it's place but....

Oh, and let's resurrect our quote challenge, shall we? How about...

Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

Ok. So. Small talk out the way. Elephant in the room, step right this way.

If you dont answer my letter, I will understand Ali.  I promise not to harass or pester you. I promise to respect your decision. I will always be here for you. Either at the end of a pen, a phone, or, if I am blessed, in person.

Ali, you may not realise it, but I think about you a lot. At, as someone once said, the most inopportune moments. But, as someone failed to realise until it was too late, where affection is concerned, a moment wasted is always too late.

Ali, my dear, dear Ali. You and I were thrown together by the most unfortunate of circumstances. Please, let's not compound that by allowing my shortcomings to cause our friendship - and from my side at least, affection - to fall away. It's - you are - too precious.

I am, and always will be,
your Tom xxx

Ps... Do you remember the Magic Tractor we talked about? Well, I believe it turned into a field..... badum,tish..... sorry!!

He smiled and put down the pen, then looked at the snowstorm surrounding his feet. Multiple attempts later, he'd finally managed to write a draft he was happy with.

God, it was hard to write clutching a huge slice of humble pie.  He looked at his watch. 4pm. He had time to get it to the front desk so it could catch the last post. It would take a couple of days at least to cross the Atlantic. Hopefully, she'd open it and maybe, just maybe, by this time next week? They'd be back on speaking terms.

As he looked out over the San Diego Bay, he sighed. It was a beautiful view. One Ali deserved to see. Maybe later in the summer? Maybe when he came back for SDCC? He closed his eyes. Please, he murmured, let her forgive me.

It never crossed his mind that she might not be around to enjoy it.

Alison opened her eyes and squinted. The lights were so harsh. They were always so harsh. She hated this room.  CT scans had become her life. This one was no different. Just terrifyingly soon after the last one.

The machine told her to hold her breath. As she did, several times over, her mind wandered.  There had been a letter this morning. From Tom. The first one since that fatefull call.  She'd had plenty of time to open it.

She just chose not to.

On one hand, she was overjoyed to think he'd taken time to write to her. He was in the States. She'd seen that from Twitter. The usual pap photos and thirsty commentary from the rabid fangirls, tempered by the 'leave him alone' of the marginally more sane followers.

On the other? Maybe it was just a polite goodbye. He was, after all, a busy man. Coukd do without the drama. And dear God, she'd caused enough of that.

She was just wondering exactly how polite a 'feck off you weirdo' could be when the doctor's voice came over the intercom.

"All done, Alison. You can come back through to the office now. We have some things to talk over. Are you here on your own?"

She sad up and nodded through the glass.  Alone? She'd invented the word. Well, she shrugged as she stood up; whatever happened next would make Tom's rejection that much easier to take.

After all, you can't feel pain in two places at once, can you?

Can you?