Love Letter

Accepted...

April 14th...

Hi Tom!

You dont need to apologise to me! You're a busy man, I totally understand. But thank you for the gesture.

It was lovely to hear from you, as I suspected it was a really crap week.  Well, you said you wanted to know? Well... it's not good. I'll need surgery. At least. I'm scared Tom, really scared. What if it doesn't work? What if it gets worse before they get around to me? What if I can't.... oh Tom. I'm so sorry. This isn't what you want to hear. Please forgive me.  Slap.me around the head and tell me to get a grip. Tell me I'm being silly. Tell me you think... of me?

Sorry.  Lost it a bit there. Did consider not letting you see any of that, but what's the point of lying to you. You of all people. The person I deliberately turned to. Sorry.

Ok, so, deep breath and straighten the crown. On we go.

Why did you cross our 'Ali' ? Did you think I'd hate it? Did you think it was overly familiar? Did you regret being too friendly to someone you, in truth, hardly know? Well, if it's either of the first two? It's ok, I loved it, so very much. If it's the last, again, it's ok. I understand. I really do.

So, the quote. Easy one - Robert Frost. You'll have to do better than that, Hiddles.  See, you got me at it now! Sorry.

I seem to be doing a lot of apologising. You're rubbing off on me. No doubt my mother would have said about time someone got me to apologise.

Ah yes, there it is. The elephant in the room. My family - or lack thereof. Well, let's not go down that rabbit hole. It's taken a lot of money and therapy to stay out. Suffice to say, they are still alive. Also, suffice to say they know I am ill. The fact they choose to stay at the other end of the country? Draw your own conclusions.

Right. Now that we've released Nelly back to the Circus; what's next? What's fresh with me, other than feeling like I'm the last squished pancake on the stack that no one wants? Well, I'm thinking of taking a little holiday soon. Just a few days. Any suggestions? Not too active, not really up to it, but equally lazing about isn't really me either. So, go to it, Judith Chalmers.... God, I hope I've not just shown my age again!!

Bobby's been chatting up the ladies, eh? Sounds quite the hound-about-town. Must take after his Dad, lol. Well, in the charm stakes, I mean. Not that his Dad's a dirty dog ha ha ha! Hope he's been forgiven.

You have.

You always will be.

Ok, 'nuff of that. So, I don't think you were being entirely honest with me, Mr Hiddleston. I DO think you have a favourite. I DON'T think he's what we'd call a hero, though. I think he's an intelligent, scheming, shrewd, and opportunistic player. I think he won't knowingly over exert himself when he can get others to do the leg work for him. That being said, I think he's Iago! Go on, pleeeeeeeease tell me if I'm anywhere near!?!?

Well, it's almost time to go to yet another appointment. This one is a therapist. You know, a shrink.  Apparently, when you're alone like me, they worry there's nobody to talk to, to share the worries. If only they knew, eh?

It's time for me to be serious with you, Tom. I've told no one about you. Not a soul. It's not my place to share your kindness. On the other hand, I have no issues about you telling Luke (obviously) or anyone else for that matter. Although, being honest, why you'd WANT to admit to knowing a saddo like me? I have NO idea.

Ok, time's run away. Might break the habit of a lifetime and write again after the shrink.  Might not.  I'll see.

Take care Tom, and thanks. For you, for listening, oh and for the mint! I'm torn over whether to eat it or cherish it as a precious souvenir!!!

Take care, love,
Ali xxxx

Ps. Hope you're not too disappointed.....

She slid the snapshot into the envelope with the letter and sealed it. Her hands shook almost as much as that first day when she'd got his reply. Sending a photo? Made it all so much more real. What would he think? Blonde? Yes. 5'4"? No. Only standing on a 4" step. Curvy. Not 21 by a long chalk. Everything he'd never EVER been pictured with.

Not that being pictured with him was the point. Far - very far - from it. No, it was just, well, at the end of the day? She was a woman. She just wanted to be someone's pretty friend. So far, that had never happened. It was looking like it never would.

Looking at the clock, she saw it was almost 11.30. Time to go.  The appointment would take an hour. Lunch after that. Where to go? Somewhere different. Time to live a little.

After all, as someone once said, when time is ticking, you can either get busy dying or you can get busy living. She knew exactly what she intended to do.

Picking up the mint, she paused and looked at it. With a smile and a shrug, she popped it into her mouth and relished the cool taste as it spread through her mouth.

Maybe one day, she'd get another. From Tom. Maybe. With luck.