This is outrageous.
I mean the nerve of these bastards. I won my games, and was told I wouldn't have to go back to the capital again. I thought I was gonna live the rest of my life away from the memories of my games. But here I am on a train to the capital.
Again I have to take care of something the capital doesn't want to do themselves. First it was to kill the other districts children, and thin out the population. Now I have to mentor to kids from my own district, and try to prepare them for whats in store.
It's embarrassing really. I am gonna have to pretend to be on board with the continuation of the hunger games, and then go home and face the families who lost their children. Then I will have to repeat it year after year.
So far the train ride has been quiet. It's a different train from the one that took me to my games. It's a lot nicer than that one.
There are several different compartments for people to sit in. They all have door with windows that you can see inside from. It's pretty fancy compared to the cattle car that they normally use.
We have stopped a few times since I was picked up, but I still sit alone. My games were a brutal year, so I assume that might be part of the reason. Also because I yelled at a boy who tried to sit next to me.
I believe we have one more victor to pick up before our descent to the hell is complete. I think it's last years lucky "winner". Lamina I think her name was. I say that cause I see a lot of trees which I assume belong to the 7th district.
I only know her name and district because I was forced to do a little research on the other victors upon coming here. The capital said it would be easier for us to socialize with others if we knew of there games.
Also for strategy reasons I think. But that doesn't sound as pretty on a letter.
I look out the window as the train stops and see very thick forests. Lots of green surround a crappy looking wooden train station. I know for sure we are in seven now because I can see there district seal on the platform. I've never been here before, but it seems quite interesting.
I can hear footsteps down the hall and I don't bother looking in that direction. Every time I have which ever victor is there looks away faster than necessary. Which is quite rude, but I won't take it personally. We are all going through a lot right now and I don't need to be irritated right now.
"Do you mind if I sit in here?" A soft voice says.
I look up to see who the voice belongs and see the prettiest girl I have ever seen. With beautiful red hair and a kind smile. I am quick say yes and she sits down in front of me.
"Thanks, all of the other compartments had a lot of people in them already" she said timidly.
I just nod in response, and proceed to look out the window as we take off. I can see from the corner of my eye that Lamina is starting to take yarn out of the tote bag she came in with. I can tell by her body language as she starts working that she is nervous.
For some odd reason her being uncomfortable just rubs me the wrong way, so i decide to do something about it. "Do you crochet?" I ask.
She looks up at me and nods her head before saying "Yeah. It's one of my favorite things to do. It reminds me of home."
"Oh that's really cool. Did someone teach you? or are you self taught" I question.
"My mama taught me" she says with smile "When I was a little girl I would always watch her crochet and I begged he to teach me and so she did. I've loved it ever since."
I find myself smiling at her words. Which is not something I do often since my games turned me cold. "That's a sweet story" I say which she responds with a nod.
As she works I can't help, but watch her work. It's very interesting the things that could be made with a simple string. I'm also watching because I find the girl in front of me quite captivating despite only having know her for an hour.
After some time I notice drops of liquid are falling onto her yarn which causes me to look of to see her crying. She looks frustrated too. "Are you okay?" I ask her.
She shakes her head quickly as more tears start to fall and she sets her stuff aside, so she can rub her eyes. "No. I can't go back there. They made me a monster" Lamina says sadly.
That just breaks my heart hearing it. It hurts even more because I know how she feels. The difference is I feel as though she doesn't deserve this pain. "You're not a monster. What happened in your games wasn't your fault." I say trying to calm her down.
"No no. It is my fault I killed people. It's my fault" she says through sobs.
I take her hands so she doesn't rub an eye ball out "No it isn't your fault. Nobody goes into the games because they want to. Nobody kills in there because they want to. None of what has happened is your fault.
"The only people to blame are the sick bastards who forced you in there. You were just a kid. You just wanted to go home. So I will say this again it's not. your. fault." I don't know why I said all that but I hope it made her feel better.
"Okay" she mutters while slowly retracting her hands from mine, and bringing her knees to her chest.
Some time has passed since that and it has quiet ever since. Lamina stopped crying a while ago and eventually went back to her yarn.
As I look out the window I see it has gotten darker out and the sun is starting to set. As I watch I can't help, but think back to my games. I feel like a killer. My games messed me up beyond fixing.
I used to be sweet and outgoing. But now I can barely say a word to someone without being a major bitch. I miss being innocent. I miss not feeling like I am worthless because of what I had to do. I wish I didn't have so much blood on my hands.
"You're not a monster either" a quiet voice says breaking me from my thoughts.
I look over to see Lamina looking at me with concern. "I know the year you had your games was said to be a bad year. But you aren't a monster either. Even if you think you are one" she says kindly.
I nod my head mulling over her words "I guess I am gonna have to learn how to believe that. I'm sure you do too" I say.
"Yeah I do have to. But maybe over time we'll heal" Lamina says with hope.
"Okay" I say and I send her a smile that she returns.
Maybe over time we can heal. It'll be difficult especially with having tributes to mentor each year, but maybe one day I can be sweet again. Maybe I'll not feel like trash a minute of the day. I know one can't recover fully, but I can still work on that.
Maybe things can be different sometime. And maybe that time I can have her by my side.
I love Lamina so much. I might make a part 2 to this if anybody wants that or if I can come up with an idea for one.
-V
