Meet Us at the Barre: A Series of SAB Oneshots

i hear you // captivated (kath x colin)

The news loomed over the couple like a storm cloud that had been waiting all day to clap. 

“You both are free to leave, but I'll let you two have a moment. Please check out at the front desk before leaving.” The doctor spoke, his professional tone slicing straight through the tension of the room. It was obvious that in years of practice he’d lost the ability to make his statements after such news sound human. They sounded rehearsed, robotic. 

“Thank you.” Colin nodded. He slowly rubbed his fiance's back. Katherine's eyes had been frozen forward since the doctor uttered the diagnosis. 

Infertile. 

Without a word, Katherine grabbed her purse and stood up, leaving the doctor's office. 

“Kath, wait. Let's talk about this.” Colin stood up, chasing after her. 

By the time he caught up with her, she had already signed the discharge papers. “There's nothing to talk about.” She muttered. 

“Stop it, there is.” Colin grabbed her arm, spinning her around. 

“But there isn't! I don't want kids, you don't want kids, this changes nothing! And if you ever decide you do want kids, you can leave my ass. I don't care.” Her voice cracked. 

Colin scoffed. “I'd never leave you. And you do care, you should care.” 

Colin intercepted Katherine’s reach and opened the passenger side door for her, letting her slip effortlessly into the car before circling around to drive them home. His hand laid comfortably on her knee. 

Katherine’s eyes stayed glued out the window, looking at all of the people who were living their normal lives. For them, it was a normal Wednesday. For Colin and Katherine, it was the first day of the rest of their lives, but not in the same way that college is, in the same way the day after a parent dies is. 

“Do you care about it?” Katherine whispered, almost scared of her soon-to-be husband’s response. 

Colin looked over at her as he came to a red light. “I do, but this doesn’t change how I feel about you, or us, or the marriage.” He started driving away once the light turned, taking his focus back on the road. “You’re still the only person I could ever imagine marrying, and you said it yourself. You don’t want kids, I don’t want kids, they were never in the plan.” 

Katherine nodded, her eyes now fixing on Colin’s hand rubbing her knee. “I’m worried you’re not going to process this, baby.” Colin spoke, immediately cringing at the nickname that was habitual at this point. 

Katherine shrugged, biting back tears. She worked her bottom lip between her teeth. “What is there to process?” 

“You lost the choice.” Colin explained. There it was. The brain, the reason, the intelligence, the ability to look beyond the surface. Everything Katherine loved him for. “Sure, you had your mind made up, but there was always the opportunity that you could change your mind if you wanted to.”

Katherine’s eyes darted to her fiance. Tears began to drip freely as she watched him focus on driving. She’d never considered it like that, but he was one hundred percent correct. “There’s other ways to have a family. You know, if we ever change our minds.” Her voice faltered, cricking and cracking on her words. 

Once pulled into a parking spot, Colin led Katherine by the hand into their home. Katherine sat on the couch while Colin quickly whipped them both up a coffee. A drink they both found immense comfort in, and boy did they need comfort right now. 

“It’s all my fault.” Katherine spoke, taking the mug from her fiance. “You’re right, I lost the choice, and it’s my fault.” 

“Katherine…” Colin started, setting his mug down and brushing her hair behind her ear. 

“Colin, you heard him!” Katherine shrieked, letting all of her tears fall. “If I had recovered sooner, if I had stuck to it, if I took the season off, if I didn’t relapse as hard, none of this would be happening! I could give you the perfect life if I wasn’t hellbent on being the perfect ballerina.” 

Colin’s heart shattered. It was true, the doctor ruled her infertility as majorly brought on by her years of battling anorexia. “Who says this isn’t the perfect life?” Colin asked. “Hell, I thought my life was perfect when I got into med school. And then I met you. And with you came your friends, and all of the art, and the most safety I’d ever felt. My life was perfect the day you came into it, and nothing will ever change that.” 

Katherine looked down, not knowing how to take such a heavy compliment with the influx of emotions from the day. Colin tilted her head down and kissed at her hairline, wiping the tears from her eyes as they fell. 

“We’re going to figure this out.” Colin reassured her. “It’s not the end of the world.” 

Katherine swallowed hard. “What are your parents going to say?” 

Katherine couldn’t give a single shit about what her parents would say, but Colin’s? He was their only child, their only son, their only chance at grandchildren. Her inability to care for her body not only wrecked the future of her marriage, but the future of her in-laws. Katherine couldn’t grasp how she could be so fucking selfish. 

Colin’s eyes scanned Katherine’s face. “I hadn’t even considered it. Kath, are you okay? I don’t care what my parents think. I care about you in all this.” 

“I need a cigarette.” Katherine muttered, pushing herself up to stand. She crossed into the kitchen and reached into the very back of the highest cabinet, reaching for their emergency cigarette pack and lighter. Stepping onto their balcony, with Colin at her heel, she plucked a cigarette out and lit it. 

Standing against the railing of the balcony, she offered the cigarette to Colin, who politely rejected it. Katherine raised her eyebrows, taking another drag. “Well shit.” She laughed. “I can drink and smoke all I want now, hmm?” 

“Kath, I–”

Her eyes lit up in a sort of brokenhearted fashion as she tried to best her way out of this. “And I can get off birth control, and I can have all the caffeine I want, and eat all the red meat I want, and–” She stopped for a moment, leaning closer to Colin. She could barely get her sentence started without snickering. “We can have,” She gasped dramatically. “All the unprotected sex we want.” 

As much as the comment made Colin chuckle, he knew what she was trying to do. “As great as that sounds, hon. This isn’t helping.” 

Katherine took a longer drag of the cigarette and shrugged. “I think it is.” 

“You can’t joke your way out of this one.” Colin offered. “As much as I’d love for it to be that easy…you can’t.” 

Katherine stomped the burnt end of the cigarette under her shoe, grinding it into the balcony pavement. “I need it to be that easy.” 

Colin wrapped her in a hug. “I wish it was.” He kissed the top of her head. “But we’ll make it out.” 

The couple stood in silence, gently rocking back and forth in their embrace. The sounds of the afternoon birds singing filled the air around them. 

“Did you really think I would leave?” Colin asked, looking down at Katherine, who had taken to gripping his shirt like a scared little girl. He knew she was more uncertain of this outcome than she’d ever let on. 

Katherine nodded. “I really did.” 

Colin bit down on his tongue, that response making all of the tears spring to his eyes. “Never. I would never, do you hear me?” 

Katherine nodded, her fingers tightening on his shirt. “I hear you. And I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

~~~~~

WORD COUNT
1311

POV: you wrote this to process your own infertility