Science. {Jason DiLaurentis}

Surviving the Aftershocks

S5:E3

Jason can remember Sienna's funeral like a tattoo mares the skin. Painful and permanent.

It was held a few days after Alison's. It was a closed casket so Jason wasn't haunted by Sienna's lifeless face. He knew he would've never been able to get the image out of his mind if he had seen her lifeless frame.

Yet, the portrait on the isle haunts him all the same.

She was so full of life. Her cheeks were rosy, her eyes glowed. She was beautiful. She was mesmerizing. Sienna was a mess of gorgeous chaos and you could see it in her eyes.

Her eyes were always so enchanting. They reeled you in. Jason knew that those eyes had once looked so deeply into his soul that it consumed him. They had twinkled when he told an awful joke. They were decedent when they made love. They shimmered when she watched the stars.

Sienna was beautiful all around.

So the picture haunted him. Because he would never see her like that again. He could never hear her laugh or see her furrow her brows as she got mad at him for scaring her. He would never be with her again.

It took everything in him to fight his tears. It took everything in him to fight the urge to drink. He knew she wouldn't want him to. She would want him to live for the both of them. Yet, all Jason wanted to do was bring her back to life.

It was even worse that no one knew they were together. He didn't want feigned sympathy or attention. But he hated watching people grieve Sienna as if they knew her.

They didn't really know her. Not like he did. Not like her friends or family.

They didn't know how she laughed differently for different reasons. They didn't know how she liked her tea or what side of the bed she sleeper on. They didn't know that she hates baths but loves showers. They didn't know what she sounded like when she was sad or how she fought her tears until she felt safe enough to deliver them.

They didn't know how special she could make someone feel.

So, as he sat in a pew a few rows behind her family, he hid his pain. His parents sat beside him, still mourning the daughter they buried days before.

It was like everything in the world seemed to fade away. The light dulled without Sienna bearing it for everyone to see. He was haunted by the sorrows that filled the room. Sienna was too young. Too pure. She should have never been taken so soon and so brutally.

He was angry. Angry that someone had hurt her. Angry that he couldn't protect her. He was angry that he didn't find her sooner. Maybe if he had found her that night then he could have saved her. Maybe if he had found her in the backyard, he could have found her killer. Maybe if he had found her, she wouldn't have been hidden in the ground like a secret.

She deserved better.

As everyone said their peace, as Sienna was lowered into the ground, he kept it together. He kept it together until everyone left. Then, he left too.

And then later that night, he came back.

He needed to say goodbye to her in his own way.

He told her everything he felt. He told her everything he wanted to do with her. Everything he wanted them to be. And finally, he promised he would protect her memory. He wouldn't let her die again. He would bring her justice.

His mother had found him hours later. He didn't know how. He didn't care to ask. Maybe she sensed his sadness. Maybe she could see his desperation. Maybe she knew more about him and his lost lover than she let on.