Derek's POV
I love it when I can lay awake at night and think of what a shit person I am.
That's sarcasm, if you couldn't tell.
I think I might be one of the worst people ever.
I hurt so many animals, was unrelentlessly rude, and even pulled out a gun on some police officers that were just doing their jobs.
But worst of all, with all this stuff I did, I dragged Trevor into it too.
He was so innocent, so nice to the contestants, and all I did for him was ruin his life.
I would be feeling as shit as I am if he wasn't in prison too.
He always said to me during our off-time, 'Are you sure about this Derek? I really don't want to go to jail. I'd never last a day in there...' and my dumbass would just say 'don't be such a worry wart, we'll be fine' or, 'calm down, we'll be okay. Trust me.'
But I was wrong.
I was the reason his biggest fear came true. We went to prison.
On the court day, he was so scared. Seeming to always be on the verge of tears.
Yet he never blamed me.
He should've. It was all my fault.
If I didn't exist, he would've been fine.
I should've listened.
Listened to him telling me this was a terrible idea instead of blowing him off saying at wasn't a big deal. Only a 100 or so animals were being Slaughtered for our personal gain, right?
I'm a monster. Why didn't they give me the death sentence? I would've resisted, but I deserved it. Rude, psychopathic, narcissistic killers deserved it. I deserved it.
I can't take this anymore. Trevor deserves better. Way better. He deserves to still be hosting, happy as can be, without a criminal record.
I made all this happen. All the bad things happen.
There's one good thing left to do.
Leave the tent, and Trevor sleeping peacefully.
Find a rope in the production tent.
Find a nice looking tree.
And go from there.
One last step.
Apologize to Trevor. Apologize for wasting so many years of his life. Apologize for getting him arrested. Apologize for always being to rude to everyone. Apologize for being a shit boyfriend.
And then, at the end, i tell him that I love him. Even though he shouldn't love me back, especially after everything I have done.
Write it all down.
Leave a note next to his pillow.
Do what I said earlier.
He may cry, but he shouldn't. Me being gone should make his life better.
I'm sorry Trevor.
Don't worry
I won't make things worse anymore.
----------
Today sucked but erm it got better
I liek cheese
Ima go now and watch urbanmonstrrhigh
Byeeeeeeeeeeeee
