To you, in 2000 Years

Strange Feelings - III

Once back in his quarter, Erwin was consumed by thoughts of the conversation he had overheard. With all his willpower, he tried to push it out of his mind and bury it deep within him. It was unclear to him how and when she started to persistently cross his mind. She became a constant presence in his thoughts at all hours of the day and night. 

He knows, though, damn well being the Survey Corps commander and doing what he did, he is well aware that he had no idea when his time would come. Once, during his cadet year, he fell in love with a girl and wanted wholeheartedly to write her a love letter. But ultimately, he chose a Titan. He understood that the life he had chosen contradicted his desire to have a loved one and his family.

Nonetheless, he never regretted joining the Survey Corps and devoted his life to discovering the truth about the world beyond the wall. His unwavering goal is what kept him alive. Nothing else matters, no one else has been able to divert him from his unwavering goal until now. He knew that it was not the same this time. He feared he lacked the strength to overcome his own mind for the very first time.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

The sudden knock on the door pulled him back from the depth of his thought. He extricated himself from his reverie. 

"Come in"

As his voice reverberated through the door,  a rather disheveled Hange appeared at his desk.

"Commander" Her eyes glowed with determination even if it appeared as though she had not taken a shower or gone to sleep in years. 

 "Here is the report of the complete prototype, Erwin." She said, putting the file down on his desk. 

 "Thanks to Y/N, now we have a higher hope with this powerful weapon in our hands." She said with a sincere smile on her face.

 Strange enough, the moment her name was spoken, the tingling sensation that had been bothered him earlier started to flutter in his chest again.

"Well done, hopefully, it will be ready for our upcoming mission." He said as he skimmed through the report. 

"Definitely! We'll give it our all!" Hange replied with a spark in her eyes. 

 "Thank you, Hange." He said as he signed her report and handed it back to her.

Just as Hange was leaving, he felt the urge to talk to her about what had been bothering him to ease off his frustrations.

"Hange." 

"Yes?" She turned back to look at him, bewildered.

"Have you ever had these strange tingling feelings... like something fluttering inside your chest?" Despite his mind racing, he spoke in a calm tone.

"Huh...you mean like butterflies?" Hange raised her brows in astonishment. 

"Maybe you could refer to it as that, but I am not sure." He replied, his brows furrowed. 

"I see. I assume you have never experienced this before."

"No." His response was short but resolute.

Hange mouth gaped open. She never imagined that Erwin would reveal this aspect of his feelings to her. 

"Well... those swoony sensations we recognized as a sign that we are truly into someone."

"Is that so?" His eyebrows arched as he inquired.

"Yes, absolutely! Hmm does that mean...are you into someone, Erwin?" She scanned his impassive face through her glasses, waiting for his response.

However, instead of responding, he became lost in thought. 

 "Who could that be, if I may? I shall keep it a secret." 

She took a step toward him. He could feel her questioning gaze pierced right through the crown of his head.  

 "Seems like you pried too much Hange" He replied cooly as he leaned back in his chair.

"Apologies, Commander, but if you ask me, I see nothing wrong with having a good feeling. In this world full of titans, you ought to at least for once try falling in love. Life is short. Be happy Erwin!" 

 "Oh shoot! Speaking of short  I gotta go see Levi. We have a plan to catch another titan!" She leaped up in excitement as she recited her plan to Erwin.

 "Hange, please do yourself a favor and get some rest."

"Ahh, no need to worry...as soon as I can convince Levi to help me with my project...I will get some rest." She quickly saluted him and turned to leave, offering him a reassuring response.

Once more left alone in his room, he regressed to his previous state of mind. Being tormented by such useless thoughts and pointless feelings was aggravating for him. Erwin desired that everything remain in its proper place as it used to be. That was the reason he had never been infatuated with a creature called a woman.

A delicate subject like love was beyond his wildest dreams. He dared not go beyond the bounds. No one will have to suffer because of him. This line of reasoning implied that Erwin would remain alone and isolated for as long as he led the Survey Corps. Finally coming to his conclusion, he pushed these depressive thoughts behind. It was time to stop his emotions from ruling over him.

     He knew that was just another part of his fate.