If You Could Only See

Chapter 22

Mason~

I probably should have been concerned that the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table was damn near empty and it wasn't even nine in the morning, but I wasn't. It wasn't like I was even going to get drunk. My mind was so fucked-up over the shit with Shane that I was barely buzzed right now. The only reason that I'd left her apartment last night was because she'd been right, and while I wasn't going to leave her alone, she deserved some space.

So, that's what I was doing.

I was giving her space.

Because I sure in the fuck wasn't going to let her go.

Not now and not fucking ever.

Especially, now that I'd had her. Shane was out of her mind if she thought that I'd ever be okay with letting someone else take care of her, protect her, or love her, and over my dead body would I ever let another man fuck her.

I heard footsteps behind me, and I immediately knew that it was Michael because Aiden and Gabriel liked to sleep in during the weekends. Even if they hadn't partied the night before, they were big fans of sleeping in.

My assumption was confirmed when I felt the couch give next to me from Michael's weight. "Can't say I've ever had that for breakfast before. Is it hitting the spot?"

I grunted, then poured myself another tumbler full of alcohol. I took another sip before answering my brother. "Yep."

Michael let out a deep sigh. All three of them had been awake when I'd gotten home last night from Shane's, and all three had witnessed the mess that I'd been, leaving our south side wall in a tattered mess of falling drywall and debris. Once the storm had passed, Aiden had commented that he'd get it taken care of later today, and I'd made sure to let him know to send someone over to Shane's to take care of her wall, too.

"C'mon, Mase. You've been in tight spots before. Hell, you've been handling the pressures of being the eldest Buchanan for years, juggling the abuse, school, girls, mom, us...so, what's got you falling apart now?" he asked. "We both know you're not going to let that girl go, so what's going on?"

Mike was right about it all. I wasn't going to let Shane go, and I had handled all kinds of problems with ease before. The only difference was that, aside from my brothers, Shane's feelings were the only ones to matter to me, and I couldn't control them. My brothers were stuck with me, so no matter how heated a fight, we'd always be tied together by blood. However, I had nothing tethering Shane to me permanently.

Maybe I should get her pregnant. That way, she'd never be free of me, and she'd have to always forgive me when I acted like an asshole.

Fuck. The whiskey must be hitting me finally.

"So, what is it, Mase?"

"She thinks I'm a coward," I finally admitted. "Even if I force her to stay with me, she'll never trust me to take care of her. She might be with me, but she'll always believe that she's alone." The honesty in my words felt like I was being sliced open. "Jesus, Mike, you didn't see her tears. I can't get the sound of her sobs and her begging out of my goddamn ears."

It was the truth; I couldn't.

It'd been one of the most excruciating experiences of my life, having to witness how much hurt that I'd caused the woman that I loved. In my opinion, a man that was able to turn his back on his woman in tears wasn't really in love with her. Because your woman's tears, especially if they'd been caused by you, were damn near debilitating.

"Do you want us to talk to her?"

I let out a pitiful laugh. "Hell, no. She already thinks I'm a coward. All I need is for her to think I'm a fucking pussy, too. I can't handle it, so I send my brothers to fix it for me? Yeah, no thanks," I huffed.