If You Could Only See

Chapter 21

Shane~

All these years, work had kept me fed and sheltered, and it was also keeping me sane now.

I wasn't too proud to admit that I'd been a mess when I'd left Mason's, and I hadn't been sure how I was going to be able to get through the day. The pain of his betrayal had been that crippling; I'd felt nothing like it before in my life. The first time that someone had claimed to have wanted me and it'd all been a lie. His professions of love and declarations of belonging to him had all been bullshit, and I'd fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. The rejected foster kid had fallen for it all.

Luckily, my shift at the diner had flowed right into my shift at the bookstore, so I'd been too busy to cry myself into heartache. Well...cry much into heartache. My breaks had been brutal and had been spent in the restrooms throughout the day.

By the grace of God, I'd gotten home, showered, cried in the shower, and now, I was sitting in the living room, books scattered all around me with my laptop propped open, and not getting a damn thing done. I couldn't concentrate, and my heartbreak wasn't limited to Mason, either.

For some reason, I felt the loss of Aiden, Michael, and Gabriel, too. It felt as if I'd finally had friends, besides Viola, and now those had also been taken from me along with my faith in belonging.

I wasn't sure how long I sat and stared at my laptop, but I was brought out of my daze when a knock sounded at my door. I stood up, praying that it was Viola as I walked over to open the door. The door had a peephole, but I never used it because no one ever visited me, except for Vi. I swung the door open and found a very stoic Mason Buchanan standing on the other side, and I'd never felt so much anger for another human being as I did looking at him now.

All the beatings that I'd endured as a child, all the neglect, all the abuse, and all the loneliness didn't compare to the absolute anger that I felt towards Mason right now. No one else had ever made any promises to me, so I'd never expected much. However, I had believed Mason. I had believed him when he'd said that I belonged to him. I had believed him about everything.

"What are you doing here?"

"May I come in?" he asked, not answering my question.

I shook my head. "No."

His jaw tightened, and I knew that he was struggling to remain calm. He was probably fighting his instincts to just move me aside and come in anyway. I didn't imagine that many people told him no.

"We need to talk," he said. "And I don't think it's a conversation that should be had in the doorway of your apartment, Shane."

My gaze didn't waver from his as I corrected him. "We have nothing to talk about, Mason. So, if you don't mind, I have a lot of studying to do-"

"Bullshit," he snapped. "We have everything to talk about."

I was so irritated that I put my hands on my hips, not realizing that it left the door unsecured for him to just swing open and walk in. I turned, my eyes following him as he walked into my living room, his audacity nearly suffocating me.

"Get out of my house, Mason," I hissed.

He whirled around on me, and his face was all anger, and his eyes were all steel. "The fuck I will, Shane. We need to talk," he said again.

I couldn't believe his nerve. How could he stand there and not see how I was crumbling apart inside? How could he not feel the pain radiating off me?

"What exactly do you want to talk about, Mason?" I asked scathingly. "You want to talk about how I'm not important to anyone?" He flinched, but I didn't care. "Do you want to talk about how I'm just a convenient fuck? How about how I'm poor scholarship trash?"