If You Could Only See

Chapter 23

Shane~

I had to be the most pathetic person on the planet.

Once a doormat, always a doormat.

It was Friday night, and I was a few minutes away from my shift ending at the diner, and all I felt was a deep sadness that I was going home to an empty apartment. I hadn't heard from Mason all week, and I'd never imagined how lost I'd feel over that. I was very aware that I was the one that'd told him to leave me alone, but a small part-okay, a large part-of me had been hoping that he'd ignore me and fight for me. I hoped that he'd prove that I wasn't an unwanted, worthless case.

As devastated as I'd been over everything that had happened, by the time that Wednesday had rolled around, I'd started to think about Mr. Buchanan. Hearing the things that he'd said to Mason and his brothers had been unimaginable. He'd spoken to them like he'd been training soldiers, not like they'd been his sons. He'd spoken to them like they were supposed to be unfeeling robots and not young men with their own thoughts and ideas.

The one thing that had really taken me by surprise had been his reaction to Michael. Mr. Buchanan had actually seemed afraid of him, and it'd made me wonder at everything that I didn't know about the guys. I mean, sure, I'd heard the rumors, and since meeting them, I'd seen small glimpses of their personalities, but I really didn't know them. I didn't know them, but I knew that I missed them. Michael had sent me small, random texts throughout the week, asking how I was, but other than that, they'd all been scarce.

My shift was finally over, so I grabbed my jacket, then started my walk home. I usually took the bus, but this week, I had looked to the long walks to help stave off the inevitable of walking into my lonely apartment. The night air was cool, but I didn't mind. I'd been walking around all week in a numb state anyway.

Suddenly, my phone rang, and as I pulled it out of my pocket, I saw that it was Viola. "Hey, lady."

"Hey, back. What are you doing?" she asked.

"I just finished my shift at the diner," I answered. "I'm headed home."

"Have you thought anymore about what I said?" she asked, not pussyfooting around.

When I'd broken down Saturday night, I had called Viola, and she had come over and had held me as I shattered to pieces. She hadn't judged and hadn't said anything negative. She had actually encouraged me to hear Mason out and weigh his words before making a final decision. Viola was positive that Mason's feelings for me were the real thing, and she didn't think that I should let my childhood insecurities wipe out any chance of repairing things with Mason.

"I have, Vi, but I think it's too late," I answered, thankful that the streets were quiet. People talking loudly on their cellphones in public was a pet peeve of mine.

"Why do you say that?"

I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body, not sure if I was warding off the chilly night air or the depression from my next words. "I haven't heard from him all week, Vi."

She was silent for a few seconds before she said, "Okay, but that could be because he's waiting for you to calm down, Shane. I bet if you called him, he'd rush right over."

"I'm scared," I whispered honestly.

"I know you are, but don't let Mason Buchanan become one of your greatest regrets in life," she whispered back. "I know it feels all too good to be true, but you don't see the way he looks at you the way the rest of us do, Shane. That man loves you. I'd bet my degree on it."

"This is so ridiculous, Vi. It's only been two weeks. How can this be such a disaster after only two goddamn weeks?" I'd spent a lot of this week wondering how Mason and I had gone from not speaking for three years to professions of love and eternity.