Detective Garfield

Like Jon

Jon opened the office door awkwardly, carrying several boxes of various sizes stacked on top of each other.  "Um, just in case you wanted to sit a little higher up Mr. McCarthy."

Charlie eyed the boxes up and down slowly. "Yeah, no thanks. I don't need your sympathy buddy, and I certainly don't need a HAND to help me do anything!" and cackled loudly as he stood up to show his back, where a person would operate the controls of his wooden body.

"Speaking of that," Garfield interjected, "how long have you been like this? Able to operate on your own? I've never known a dummy that didn't need a ventriloquist."

"Who knows? It's all very confusing. One day I'm on stage and I realize that I'm saying these really awful jokes. Like who writes this stuff? Then I realize, I'm NOT the one saying them; Edgar is! So I tell him only a REAL dummy would've thought that line was funny. His eyes almost popped out of his head! So that show ended pretty quickly. Good old Edgar and I had a heart to heart that night, and-"

"Sure." Garfield interjects again, growing impatient. "But how long ago was this? Was this 40 some years ago at the beginning of Edgar's career?"

"Hah! No way gumshoe! You think I'd let that old geezer boss me around for decades? Happened last week! I told him that if I was 50% of the act, I wanted 50% of the cut or I was out!".

"I see. And how did Mr. Bergen take your business proposal?"

"Apparantly not great! He said it sounded fair and he'd think it over, and then he set me up in a hotel across town.  Said it would be nice for me to have some privacy now that I was self aware and everything, and that it'd give me a chance to explore and enjoy life. Now I'm thinking he just wanted to get rid of me!"

Garfield stared at Charlie.  These were not the answers he was expecting. The idea had crossed his mind that Charlie may be involved somehow; that he had set up some elaborate plan to get revenge on Edgar for some perceived slight. Talking to Charlie now though, he can tell that this dummy is just that; a dummy. And not even an experienced one. A few day old dummy that couldn't have figured out how to even travel to Edgar's house, let alone do any of the damage that he and Jon had found earlier that day.

Garfield turned to Jon and gave him a little motion with his paw.  Jon immediately got up, walked over to Garfield and began petting him gently behind his ears.

"Mmmmmm..." Garfield purred.  "So, Mr. Bergen was surprised you were alive. He didn't like idea of splitting his earnings with a living dummy; maybe didn't like the idea of a living dummy at all. The easiest solution to the problem is to get rid of you. Sound about right Charlie?"

"Bingo detective! Hey, you've really cracked the case! What genius and deduction! So, when am I getting my share of the profits?"

"Well that's the issue Charlie. We didn't find Mr. Bergen at his house.  We found it completely ransacked and vandalized."

"What?!" Charlie shrieked. "I worked with that clown for close to 50 years, and now that I am aware of the weight I pulled, I don't get dime?! Did he skip town?"

Garfield had already contemplated that possibility.  "No, I don't think so. There are much simpler ways for him to get out of paying you than doing a dissapearing act.  I don't know the interpretation of laws pertaining to conscious dolls or self-aware dummys, but I seriously doubt your case would hold up in court if you sued him.  I don't think he's hiding from you, I think something happened to him".

"And what? You think I did something to him?" Charlie chortled incredulously.

"No, I don't think that either. You had nothing to gain and, no offense, no means to do it. No, something happened in the time between him sending you away and Jon and I arriving there today. But who did it and why?"

Charlie fumed in his chair.  "Who knows? That cut-rate vaudevillian didn't hang out with anyone or do anything exciting; he seemed like a boring old pudge! The couple of days I was there, not a single person came over for parties or dinner."

"Well, what did he like to do?" Jon chimed in. "I mean, I spend a lot of time alone at my house too, but you find something to do. No one just sits at home and does nothing."

"I don't know!" Charlie moaned. "He was boring. He just had lots of stuff he liked to look at, like dolls and fancy paintings and stuff."

"Maybe he was just worried with you coming alive and all. I'm sure it was scary, having your puppet suddenly become self aware. You'd have to change up your life; find a new dummy, put on a whole new type of act..."

Garfield's tail extended straight as a broomstick.  "That's it! Jon, you got it! Your sad lonely life has finally provided something useful!"

Jon looked down at Garfield, slightly confused, slightly offended, but also slightly pleased to hear that he had been helpful.  "Thanks, I guess?"

"Mr. Bergen has only done one thing his entire professional life; be a ventriloquist. Specifically, a ventriloquist for Charlie. So the gig is up, no more Charlie and no more show. He needs to find a new act with a new dummy. But, and this is important, as Charlie said, he's a boring old fogey like Jon. He doesn't have friends to talk to this about, and probably doesn't have any close contacts he'd feel comfortable exploring new dummies with. He exists in his sad lonely bubble, just like Jon."

"Do we really need the 'like Jon' qualifier?" Jon muttered.

"Yes, because like you Jon,  he is comfortable around things he knows. So why go out and try and find a new dummy when you could use something you already had? Something you already like and are comfortable with."

"Nah, I never saw another dummy in the house detective. I think I was the only one the poor old sap had."

"Don't underestimate what pathetic people will do Charlie. The things I've seen Jon do, it would make you cry, or maybe laugh, or maybe blush in embarassment. Probably all three."

Jon's face turned bright red and he started slightly shaking as he stared angrily at the floor.

"I'm thinking, if Edgar already has a collection of dolls that he loves enough to have purchased and adored, why not use one of them as his new dummy? A ventriloquist with his experience could modify a doll to work as his dummy, especially if he already decided it would be the perfect replacement for Charlie.  He may have been scared of you becoming alive, but he certainly had felt a bond with you after performing together all those decades.  Who better to replace you than a doll he's also had a bond with for years?"

"I guess, but I still don't see what this has to with his disapearance? What's messing with a doll to convert it into a dummy got anything to do with it?" questioned Jon.

"Let me posit you this, and I think you'll understand. Charlie, if I wanted to sew up your back and turn you into a doll, how would you feel about that?"

"Over my dead wooden body! I'd bite your finger off before you could even get a hand in there pal! Why I'd-"

"And that's the point Jon," Garfield interjected. "We've met one living dummy this week already. Who's to say there aren't more out there? What if one of Mr. Bergen's dolls was already alive, already had consciousness? And what if it didn't have our friend Charlie's charming sense of humor? Why I bet it could be down right nasty if Mr. Bergen decided to make some alterations to it."

Jon and Charlie sat in silence thinking about everything that had just been said, processing this new lead. It was a lot to take in; even for a self-aware dummy and Charlie.

"We need to find a list of the dolls Edgar owned", Jon finally stated.

"YOU need to find a list of the dolls," Garfield retorted. "I need find a place to nap. Wake me up tomorrow evening, or when you have the list. Whichever comes last."