Never Mine

Chapter 37

"Did you tell him?" I raised my head to look at her, straight in the eyes. "Sinabi mo bang mahal mo pa rin siya? Na gusto mong bumalik siya sa 'yo? Did you ask him if he still loves you?"

Nagpalis siya ng luha at mariing umiling. "I didn't have to tell him anything anymore. It's pointless. Mahal ka niya. I don't need that to be spelled out in front of me. Hearing it from him once is enough."

"But you wanted to know if there's any chance that he would break off our marriage for you. Emma, you might not be able to move forward again this time kapag hahayaan mo na lang ulit 'to gaya ng ginawa mo noon. I know I'm not in any position to tell you any of this... But please, tell him everything this time. Sabihin mo na mahal mo pa rin siya. Tell him that you need him... like how it has always been with you two. Ask him back and if he agrees–"

"And if he agrees then what? Are you going to let him go?"

Just the thought of it was already painful to bear. But I knew what I needed to do... so, I nodded slowly. This was how I planned it before. I withdrew from it after experiencing how it felt to be loved back by Czar, but here I was again, being so willing to turn my back on that love and give it up no matter how heartbreaking it would be for me.

"If he comes back to you, I'll let him go. Because that would mean that he's still in love with you or you still occupy some space in his heart enough to make him turn back to you... At ayaw ko nang ganoon. You know, I'm a very selfish person. I want to be the only one in his heart. Kaya... kapag pinili ka niya... hindi na ako haharang pa sa gitna niyong dalawa."

I didn't know what was in my words that made Emma cry even more. I held back my tears and looked at her with determination. If only... we didn't love the same man... maybe, we could've met by chance and became friends.

I liked her. I wouldn't mind giving up my only love for her if things would turn out that way.

"But if he chooses to be with me, I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to let him go." Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga bago nagpatuloy, "I'm not saying this all because I am so confident that he will choose me. I'm honestly afraid. But I feel like I owe you both that chance I robbed you off when I just stormed in your lives, so I'm letting this happen. If you're truly meant for each other, trust that I'll be out of the way. This is also very hard for me, so please, do what you have to do this time."

Emma nodded and closed her eyes painfully. "Andi... thank you."

"I took your man away from you. Don't thank me. Kahit na para sa ano pa 'yan..." I stood up and gave her one last look. "Magpagaling ka, okay? Saka, huwag mo na ulit gagawin ang ginawa mo. I'm the reason for your heartbreak so it might be ironic for you to hear this from me... but... I sincerely wish you happiness and peace, Emma. This might really be the last time that we see each other, so I hope that you'll be well for a long time."

She closed her eyes and heaved a deep sigh. This was a heavy talk between us, so it was ironic that I felt relieved after it. Ganoon din ang nakikita ko sa mukha niya hanggang sa tumalikod na ako.

I guess, we both settled on the silent agreement that we'd be accepting whatever the outcome of this might be. Sobra akong masasaktan kapag hindi pumabor sa akin ang pagkakataon, pero kung ibabalik sila ng tadhana sa isa't isa, matatanggap ko iyon. Sila naman kasi talaga noong una bago pa man ako pumasok sa eksena. Ang pinanghahawakan ko na lang ngayon ay ang isiping hindi naman mangyayari ang lahat ng ito nang walang dahilan.

I had Czar's love, too. I would hold on to it until I couldn't anymore.

Pumikit ako at sumandal sa backrest ng sasakyan. Nagmulat din kaagad ako ng mga mata nang naramdaman ang marahang pagkakabit ni Czar ng seatbelt ko. He looked at me gently after he was done with it.