03: Pretty Girls and Panic Attacks

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She is so beautiful

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She is so beautiful. The way her eyes sparkle. God, I'm such a dick.

I've just met her today, and she talks to me like we've known each other forever. I'm just a fucking dick to everyone. Everyone knows the truth. That's why when I went to my first class, everyone was staring. She was in my seat. I don't let people sit in my seat.

But then she looked up at me. Beautiful mismatched eyes. Blonde curls. A little birthmark right above her lip. I couldn't help but stare.

She was having trouble with people staring at her.And I'll admit, part of that was my fault. Like I said, it was my seat.

Makes me wonder what her life was like before she came to school here.

I shouldn't be feeling fucking feelings so soon. I don't know her. But I want to. Nope. Not going there.

I fucking hate John. Then again I hate everyone. He was okay before, but now I hate him. The dumbass just had to ask if she was fucking single in front of everyone.

And fucking Grace couldn't keep her damn mouth shut about her eyes. I really really like her eyes. I really like her- Stop. You don't even know her. You just met. You could get to know her. I want to, but I don't know how.

She's so happy and pure. You can tell from one look she hasn't done anything dirty. Not that that's what I saw. Actually, she's the first girl I saw that I liked liked. Not just a situation. I have had sex, but not with many people. It's just for the release. The girls know what they're getting into with me. And I respect them, but I've only slept with a few people. It's occasional.

I don't just want to sleep with Ophelia. I want to sleep with her, but that's not the only thing I want. I want to meet her, learn about her, her interests, what she likes and who she is.

I've known her for less than an hour, and I already want to know her forever.

This is all new. It's so fucking scary. I just lash out when everyone is around. I didn't want to do it with her too.

But goddamn me had to go fuck it up. I just had to be an asshole. I really didn't mean it.

Fuck me.

It would probably be better if I stayed away, but chances are it's not happening. I should apologize, but what would I say?

Hey, sorry 'bout that. I'm an asshole. Also you're really pretty, and I want to get to know you.

Nope. She'll think I'm a creep. I'll just scare her off.

I really don't want to be an asshole for her. But that's all I can be. I don't know how to be nice.

I walk into social studies only to find Ophelia in the corner of the room. She has headphones on, and her eyes shut. She looks peaceful.

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