Lost love

Chapter 22

Derek's childhood room was nothing she imagined it would be, she imagined... she doesn't know what she imagine but it wasn't this. His room was covered in pictures and posters of guitars and music artists that she'd never heard of before, there was a drum kit in the corner of the room and a guitar hidden in his closet. It seemed very dereky in a surprising way. His mom had told them everything was as he left it before he left for college so as she walked into his room she couldn't help but smile at the dog teddy that laid in front of the pillows on his bed. Thankfully it was a double bed so they wouldn't have to sleep on top of one another for the next week, not that she would have minded that.

He was asleep next to her, his arm loosely around her waist but she couldn't fall asleep because her mind was spiralling too much, it had been a big day for her and she still hadn't processed what had happened and it was keeping her up. Never would she have imagined that she had known Derek and his family when she was a child, she didn't remember much but she did remember going to the swing with them, even as they drove through her old neighbourhood she hadn't realised where she was, she wasn't paying much attention but still. The same afternoon when she sat outside with Kathleen, looking at her old house gave her chills and flashbacks to things she didn't want to think about it, what happened happened a long time ago but time would never change the fact that it had happened. She wondered if anyone lived in it, if a child lived in it, if there was a child in the same bedroom she spent so much time in, alone.

As she turned over for what felt like the thousandth time she sighed when she looked at the clock, it was only a little before 2am but she could swear that she'd been lying here awake for days and she was beginning to get restless. Derek was sleeping deeply and she didn't want to disturb him so she carefully removed herself from his loose hold and slipped out from his bed putting on her fluffy grey slippers that sat on the floor next to his bed. She looked back and him and moved a curl from his head off his forehead before creeping out of his room and down the stairs trying her best to be super quiet so she didn't wake anyone. It felt strange creeping around his house in the middle of the night so she decided on sitting outside on the porch, hoping that the night air would tire her out and she could go upstairs and fall asleep. As she sat on the swing she looked out at the neighbourhood but nothing felt out of place to her, she could see children's bikes and play mats out of the front lawns of houses and almost every house had a porch with a swing on, even hers. Hers. It wasn't hers anymore. Taking a deep breath she looked at the table next to the swing and decided to reach for one of the books that were stacked, she folded the page corner so she didn't lose wherever whoever was reading it were up to before she flipped back to the beginning and began reading.

"Meredith?" She looked up to see Carolyn sitting down next to her with a blanket.

"Carolyn. I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"It's okay dear, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep."

"So you came outside?" She asked.

"I didn't want to disturb Derek." She smiled.

Carolyn nodded and smiled at Meredith who looked down at the book she was previously reading.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to intrude, I heard the door close and was just worried, I can go back inside and leave you be." She began to stand up.

"No, it's okay. You can stay, if you want."

"Only if you're sure."