Survivers [TAMBER]

Chapter 29, trying

>Ambers POV<

You know how before every new year everyone says 'this will be my year!' Well I'm not one of those people, because I know how this goes. Not to say that my life is shit, I live with my friends and my girlfriend. I'm happy. Life isn't perfect though.

And you're probably thinking, 'ok so it's the cliche ptsd' and yeah maybe a little ; though cliche is probably a harsh phrase. Do you ever just wake up with a heavy heart? Are you ever just sad and don't know why? Me too. I just don't tell anyone.

Maybe it's because I feel embarrassed. Maybe I'm scared that if I say it out loud, it becomes real. Every night I wait for my girlfriend to fall asleep so I can cry, trying not to be obvious. I know it sounds sad because things have been going very well but, it is what it is. 

It's 12 in the afternoon. Tara went downstairs a while ago to go cook. I brushed my teeth, washed my face and laid back down. I've been here for a recorded 30 minutes with no plans on getting up. So much for not being obvious. I just know all of us deal with shit and I don't wanna act like I'm the only person in the world.

31 minutes

I have to get up.

I hear footsteps outside the door way and stand up throwing on a shirt and brushing my hair. the door opens as I notice how sleepy I look. Pillow marks on the side of my face that I use my hair to hide.

"Hi sleeping beauty." Tara smiles from the doorway.

"Hi love bug." I smile back through the mirror.

"You just getting up?" I she asked.

I didn't lie but I may have stretched the truth.

"No, I- I mean yeah, kinda, I wasn't really sleeping-"

"It's ok, it's a Saturday anyways." she said and hugged me.

"Yeah." I mumbled, putting on some concealer under my eyes.

She looked around me examining, and kinda making me nervous.

I probably looked terrible. I had no makeup on, my curls were flying, I was wearing sweats and a black shirt and I was exhausted. Tara on the other hand had on a light natural makeup, her skin was glowing and her freckled face looked alive and full of joy. she was wearing a cute baby pink fitted dress with her long dark hair down and her bangs carefully placed. She smelled like vanilla and brand new baby.

"Are you ok?" she asked. "You look like you haven't slept in days."

 I feel like I haven't slept in days, but the truth is all I've done is sleep. My mind is draining me, and when I'm alone with my thoughts, I feel the saddest I've ever felt in my life. I can't be alone with my thoughts. There has to be music or a show. It's too loud in my head.

"I actually slept too hard." I said and turned around in attempt to give her a life like smile. 

"You sure?" she questioned.

"Yes!" I said. I probably sounded snappy.

"Okay." she said in a low tone. I was sure I hurt her feelings, so I leaned down to kiss her for a bit and then went to the bathroom to be alone.

>Tara's POV<

I went down to the kitchen to see only Mindy in there. Chad, Liv, and Anika were laughing at an Adam Sandler movie in the living room.

I went in the kitchen for a glass of water and fidgeted with my ring a bit, spacing out. I felt bad about what happened upstairs. I felt like I made her upset. I didn't know what to do.