Sugar Coated

43

Jax Sinclair

Time stood still between us, my hands still warming her shoulders while she sat in my lap, crumpled in on herself in front of me.

She was starting to get agitated again, a subtle shake in her shoulders and the faintest floral scent of distress in the air. "Of course, I want you, Doll."

The sniff was the start of her crying again, just when I'd thought we'd gotten it under control something else triggered another bout of tears, "Why won't you let me have you? Why can't I keep you?" She crumpled further wrapping her arms so that she could cradle herself, showing me I wasn't doing a good enough job.

I spun her quickly until she had to face me to look into my eyes when I told her that she could understand and I pulled her so tightly against me that I caught the wince just before it cleared off of her face and even despite it, I couldn't loosen my grip on her.

"Delaney, I don't understand."

It was the wrong response, the tears overflowed down her cheeks and she cringed away from me, trying to grapple out of my arms. We were bordering on a territory that was riling up my Alpha and terrifying it, and disgustingly despite the entire situation I couldn't calm the fire in my blood that she'd lit when she asked me to knot her. She didn't realize the effect she'd had on me, has always had on me that even that reasonable ask of hers for that closeness nearly threw me over the edge, edging me toward pushing her into the sheets and knotting her when she wasn't ready for it.

"See," Her voice pitched upward in a wail that I was certain Andres could hear by the worry and anxiety pulsing down the bond. I was trying to muffle my end of it, but that would only fan the fire of distress from all of us. It was a wonder Em hadn't torn in here and grabbed me by the scruff over the mess I was making with our little mate.

"Breathe!" I barked and I hated myself for it. I could taste the disappointment like iron in my mouth.

She sucked in a shaky breath in front of me, her big eyes wounded as they flicked between me and the door, her only exit out of the room away from me. It was a shot to my heart.

"Doll. I want you more than you know. What has made you think otherwise? Because I wouldn't knot you?"

She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and I tested a soothing sweet down the line of her spine, petting her the same way I did Em whenever he had one of his hormonal meltdowns. It worked well enough that I continued. She didn't answer me though, not with words which was what I needed, but she did at least nod.

"Sweetheart. I'm terrified I'll hurt you. If you want me to knot you I will, just not today. It will be after you've had a chance to prepare for it."

It was half the answer she wanted, at least I thought so anyway by the way she stayed rigid and sniffly in my arms.

"Why did you flinch when I reached for you?" My words were quiet but my thoughts were screaming, replaying the vision of the minute the first tears had started in her eyes when she was beneath me surrounded by the wrinkled sheets I'd dreamt of her in. I'd reached on instinct to wipe them away, only for her face to turn to terror and flinch away. That wasn't an instinctual response.

That was a learned action. One I was willing to kill over.

She chewed on her lip but her hand went to that choker once again. I'd thought it obscene at first, flirty and seductive, but now I'd come to think it obscene in another sense. I'd come to hate it.

"This was the second time," She didn't look at me when she talked and I couldn't parse together my question in her answer.

"I've made you flinch before?" My heart ached like she'd taken her tiny little hand and tried to pull it out viscera and all.