you could do me a favor by not
showing up on my dreams anymore.
asleep,
ae.
i knew i had to scribble your name at the back of my math notebook where all the formulas and solutions were written. i knew i had to fill those spaces as if it will fill the space in my heart made my not being loved enough— mostly by you.
i got to live with it, though. i grew accustomed with the pain of breathing your everything out, pumping your soul out of my blood, and seeking you in every eyes i met. my hands still know how to write your initials, and i still pick it as the pendant of my chains. your favorite song becomes my favorite as well. red is no longer a color of love, it's your color. i hated math before, but i grew to love it because you make it easy for me to understand how to read numbers. my body cosinders you as it's culture and i religiously pray for you. i don't know when will it ever stop.
i no longer wanna be habituated with your presence. i no longer want to be a prisoner of your habits. i wanna be freed from loving you because it's all that's holding me back from loving someone else. i wanna love without a ghost of you hindering me from giving it all. i want to unlearn loving you.
i am not mad, nor enraged. but stay away from my memories. stay away from my dreams so i can love freely.
