Memoir

Chapter 9: Tornado

   The 5 stages of grief are often talked about but no one really knows how traumatic the whole process  is until they go through it and in the course of a week you became painfully aware of the progression.

It started with Denial :

Upon finding yourself isolated once more, disbelief seized you as reality seemed to slowly slip away. You tried pinching yourself a few times, convinced you must be trapped into some kind of nightmare because there was no way he could really be gone right?..

Surely this must be a sick joke, so you kept staring at the door waiting for him to push it open and tell you so.. or to embrace you, comfort you, tell you he fixed it somehow.. tell you he'll stay, but of course..

he never did.

After you spent a day or two completely refusing to accept reality, you have resorted to Anger :

Waiting didn't produce the results you were hoping for so naturally your blood started to boil. You wanted to punish someone for this dire situation but unfortunately no one was around but you and your homicidal thoughts.

"How dare he leave?!"

You emerged from the cozy embrace of your bed and began haphazardly tossing items around.

"How could he?!"

No piece of furniture was left unharmed by the wrath of hurricane Y/n.

You didn't care about the mess, you didn't care about the shattered glass cutting through your feet as you kept breaking everything in sight.

You screamed so laud the neighbors actually contacted the police but once they got the address..

yeah, no one was gonna come.

Bargaining hit right after  your full on breakdown:

You found yourself sitting in the corner of your room staring blankly at a wall.

You tried calling him, which was a risky thing to do since Mikey was able to see everything going on on your phone.

He declined.

You call again.

Straight to voicemail.

You had to find a way.. your mind was your greatest enemy at the moment, clinging to every bit of inexistent hope that maybe you could do something that would fix this.. bring him back somehow.

Maybe you could stage another assassination attempt?

No, that was stupid. Too predictable, too obvious.

You found yourself praying to a god you weren't even sure existed up until this very moment, when you desperately needed him to exist.

Maybe that was the problem, you weren't religious enough so divinity was punishing you?

Maybe..

God you sounded crazier by the minute. Maybe you should beg Mikey?

You were never one to beg but.. what else could you possibly do?

Depression feels as bad it sounds:

You weren't unfamiliar with it so it kinda felt like revisiting an old friend.. old trauma that Ran somehow managed to keep buried underneath.

As you gradually came to accept the inevitability of a situation where neither you, him and nor even a higher power could intervene, you admitted defeat, cracking open a bottle of rum, opting for it over your usual wine, recognizing the need for a stronger companion this time.