Yours

I love you

I jumped over the railing again and grabbed my phone falling on the bridge, I hit the green button. I was as pale as a damn ghost, I was coughing the cigarette kicking in, "Ash?" I can't even say his name confidently anymore. "Ali!" He said my name God im losing all self control. The wind was blowing in my face as my tears came down, "What are you doing up so late?" I sat on the railing, like sitting between life and death every small word I say helping my brain decide which way to fall, every breath pushing me closer to thing I used to fear most. "I was at Rose's house, just left."
He loves Rose
He loves Rose

He loves Rose

Ok get a grip Ali you know that damn. "Did you leave the phone."

Just about to jump...
"Yeah I did,
Music was playing from a distance
-Also Rose said there was a sleepover on Wednesday, you coming?"
Say No Ali, this is supposed to be your last night alive. Your not supposed to be here.
"Yeah I guess, if I don't have to do anything"
"Bet! Im coming over to grab my wallet in the morning k?"
"Yeah I'll be home at 3 around then?"
"Okay"
.... Ash I love you. I'm not getting high because of the assault I'm getting high to forget that I can't have you. I don't love you as a friend.
"Ash." Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it.
"yes Ali"
"I love you."
And he went silent.
Time passed
"Like as a friend-" I love you more than a friend... Were you ever just a friend to me?
"I mean-" but I'm not going to tell you that I love you more than a friend, I'm just saying I love you because I actually mean it.
"I didn't-? I meant"
"Ali." Hearing his voice calmed me down enough.
"Yeah-?"
"I love you too." .... What, he loves me too? What if he meant as just a friend? 'Think about it Ali, would you take a life for someone who is just a friend?' I don't know, i mean i wouldn't, would I? And my phone died. Shit.

There wasn't an option to die yet I had just told him I loved him. My mind was racing, Ive stayed logical up till now but fuck that. I grabbed Lilian's jacket and threw it in the river, she never used the thing anyway. I ran down back out of the river area. I ran up to her door, I knocked on the door. Please be awake. The door opened, "Oh honey, you look like a mess" Nicole, "I told him I loved him" her face went shocked, "who?" "The guy that I know is right. I told him I loved him but he's taken and I literally just left my ex's house and I just tried to take my own life and I can hardly breathe." "Alianna-" she pulled me into a hug, and I cried in her arms. "Honey what happened to you?" "Everything."
"Ok the physical change is dramatic- you cut your hair, dyed it too? You smell like cigarettes, and Hun what happened to your neck, and arms?" ... "I fell in love" "With a guy who is taken?" "By one of my close friends." Everytime I spoke she got more concerned. "What happened to your neck?" "Lilian" she nodded, "The smell?" "I skipped a class and got high and I started smoking again." She sighed "Your hair?" "I was raped and I couldn't stand to look the same." "The cuts on your legs?" "Jumping railings" "....Why were you jumping railings?" "To commit suicide at the river" this feels like an interview. She just stared at me, "Either of your addictions?" "Haven't relapsed on either yet." "Yet?" "I don't even trust myself toa get home right now..." "Who's the guy?" "Akashi. He's a bit older than me" "How did you meet him?" "uhm through his girlfriend..." She heavily sighed. "One go take a shower and wash your hair, so your mom doesn't smell the cigarettes, and Holly's old room should have things like clothes perfume, things like that. AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH SO SHE CAN'T SMELL IT"
"We are here, remember everything I told you okay?" She pulled up to my house, "Okay, thank you Nicole" "Fyi you did a good job covering the hickies, you do that often?" I hid my face, "I don't even have to ask to know now, hope you had funnnnn, and I'm going to pretend it wasn't Lilian." "Shhhh" i said laughing. I hate Lilian, but ig I forgave her, or maybe I was too high to care.
"Where have you been?" "Nicole's" my sister asked. My parents were fighting in their bedroom. I could here the screams from outside. "Why are you in Holly's clothes?" "I took a shower." Then I realized what I had said to Ash.
I ran up to my room and let my phone charge. I cleaned my room, organized the makeup brushes on the vanity, put my guitar back on display, cleaned out my closet. Catched up on all my homework, cleaned my sheets everything. I didn't stop until it was literally perfect. Honestly I just needed a distraction, Ash was coming over anyways so I needed to clean anyways. My phone was charged so I checked my notifications, nothing. Which was understandable, what do you even say after that, oh God what if he thinks I hung up on him...
Ali 🎶: Hey I'm so sorry my phone died, see you at 3?
I felt a sigh of relief, that I had finally got that off my chest. But now for the reply...
Akashi: mhm!
Mhm????? IS THAT GOOD OR BAD DOES HE HATE ME?-!
I just straightened my hair and went to bed after sending a message back and setting a alarm for 3.
Ali 🎶: See you then! /<3
Ali🎶: <3*
Was the heart too much....

It was 3 and my alarm rang. I got up and brushed my teeth when I heard the doorbell ring.... I walk over to the door to see him.
"Hey"
"Hey..."