Yours

Together?

He walked Into the house and I shut the door behind him.
"Ash."
He turned around, and I grabbed his wallet from my pocket, "Here" and I handed it to him to return his wallet once again. He flashed me a smile before putting it in his pocket, "Thanks Ali."
    The tension from the night before was still here, does he know I don't see him as a friend or was he oblivious to it?

"Now tell me what happened." And I jumped at that, did he know?

"What do you mean?" Attempting to act like I didn't know anything.

"You know what I mean-" I think my stomach just did a flip.
"Tell me everything that happened since I last saw you." I felt a sigh of relief.
"And be honest" ok nope never mind.

"Nothing happened Ash. Don't worry!" Oh God what if he hates me???

I was going to say something else but he tackled me- falling to the ground. I tried to get lose but he sat firmly on my stomach making me laugh a little, he licked his thumb and wiped of the make up from the night before. I turned my face away from him burring it in my sweater. "You did a good job covering it up but you can't fool me." I felt my face warm up.

"You going to tell me what's going on yet?"

"It's nothing Ash. Don't worryyyy" I can't let him worry about me, he's going through stuff too. He lifted my arm to wipe off the makeup there too. "And these?" I never looked back at him. I don't want to tell him because I feel selfish for feeling like this, he helped me so much just for me to do stuff like this... I'm selfish.

"Ali, love. I want an explanation, and I want it now." But he does deserve to know at least.

"Fine I'll tell you." I could already feel the guilt of everything start to drown me, why did I do it? As I told him what happened the guilt took over, I felt worse saying it out loud. I held his hand trying to not have a breakdown.

"You could have told me something." He was right, I should have told him. "I'm your friend am I not?" He sounded kind of mad, and he had every right to be.
"Yeah, I just didn't want to be an inconvenience." Still not a good reason Ali.
"Ali this is your life we are talking about you can't be so reckless." Felt like a slap in the face, but I knew I deserved it none of the less.

"I don't even feel like myself anymore."
"He's dead, he's gone Ali."
"Yeah but what if all I am now is 'the girl who was raped. What if that's what everyone sees me as now?" I started questioning why I didn't jump, why couldn't I just do it? Why does he affect me so much?
"They don't even know you, why does it matter?"
"I know Ash, but still." I want to be known as at least a half decent person, not just some girl that failed to fight back and is throwing her life away but that's exactly what I am.

"You have me." I looked at him to make eye contact, the least I could do. He moved and I got on the couch he sat beside me and I hugged him.

"I don't care what anyone says, and I don't care if the whole world was against you. I'll never see you differently. You're Ali. The Ali I know and love. That's never going to change "
I smiled, I needed to hear that, I started to cry. I held them off for as long as I could. I vented, the second I stopped talking the guilt eating me alive again.

"Ali-" i felt as if I could hear the disappointment.

I hugged him tighter

"And then I see you and everything feels okay, like we are both broken"
"Then maybe we can be broken together."

Broken Together?