The chaos of mending hearts

4.

Much to my disappointment, mom is right there in the kitchen when I go in to get my salad, which also happens to be my first proper meal of the day. All it contains an overload of lettuce, spinach, kale, broccoli and whatever other greens exist. Being so used to it, I don't even feel the bitter taste anymore.

"we're getting pizza tonight. I'm feeling a little under the weather so I'm not really in a mood to cook."

Stars must have aligned in my favour because this is nothing short of a miracle. But unsurprisingly enough, I don't feel like having a pizza. Still, taking her plan of a pizza night as a good sign, I blurt out my thoughts.

"Mama I want to be a writer."

"Please tell me I misheard that."
Nope, no miracle. My bad. But the cat is already out of the bag now.

"Please just listen to me," I somehow manage to speak as anxiety takes root in my chest, "the one thing I'm truly passionate about is writing.
And I do believe that I'm pretty good at it too. If you don't believe me, I can show you some of the pieces I've written- "

"And I thought you couldn't stoop any lower."

What?

"I will not allow any child of mine to go for such a mediocre profession. And if I'm being honest, with your level of intellect, I highly doubt you'll be able to accomplish even that. Aurora this is life, not a game.
So you better get over your stupid delusions and dreams and study something that will get you an actual job."
I swear I try to control the tears.

"This is my life mama. I think I'm capable enough to know what I want to do with it.
And you're the last person to tell me what to do since you don't even care enough to act like a mother."

I don't know where that comes from but it feels glorious.
The feeling doesn't last long as she takes a step closer, her eyes radiating nothing but hate.

"I've never hated myself more for bringing your worthless soul into this world as I do now."

Whatever had held me together for so long fractures. I feel everything and nothing.