mentally unstable pt.2 ~ shigadabi

twenty

Shoto's POV:

Tomura wouldn't let me do anything pass washing and cutting the vegetables. He made me sit back down so I just watched him cook while he hummed. 

There were a few things I wanted to talk to him about. I couldn't get Momo out of my mind. I feel bad for not responding to her but what was I supposed to say? I don't know if I feel the same and I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to say it back when I didn't know if it was true. 

"I have a question," I force myself to say. "I'm listening." His voice alone calms my nerves. "How did you know you loved Dabi?" He goes still and looks away from the bowls in front of him. He smiles softly, almost sadly. "When he saw my scars," he mumbles. "It was really early on and I hardly knew him then but I knew, I just knew, that I loved him. It didn't matter if he didn't love me because I loved him." He softly rubs his wrist. "He asked to see my arms and for reason I trusted him enough to see it. He rolled my sleeve up and kissed my scars." His eyes start to water. "He told me I would never feel like I needed to cut myself again and....I haven't." He takes a deep breath and fans his face. "Shit, I'm sorry. He's such an asshole but I love him so much."

I couldn't help but wounder if she would still love me if she saw my scars. Would she understand or would she react how he did? I tense just thinking about how he hit my arm with a belt while they were still fresh. Would she understand why or would she think I was a freak?

"Why do you ask?" I felt stupid but....he made me feel valid? "I just wanted to know how to respond to...." My voice trails off but his eyes widen in understanding. "Wait did...Momo say she loved you?" I nod. "Holy shit, what did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Shoto! You said nothing?" 

I sigh. "I-I didn't know what to say? I just don't understand. How do I know if I love her?" He pauses for a second before saying, "A really big thing for me was how Dabi took care of me. How careful he was with me. He's always checking in on me and he is so careful around my triggers. And he constantly is giving me reassurance. He makes me feel like I'm not a burden and notices everything. He quiets my thoughts. I love him for that."

"I know you haven't eaten today because you've been so busy so I got us reservations at that sushi bar you like."

"Baby you can't just study all day, you'll wear yourself out! And if you sit for too long you'll feel sore."

"You look so tired, have you been sleeping? Oh! I actually bought you this essential oil. It's lavender which supposed to help with sleep." 

"Honey you have to tell me when it gets bad like that so I can help you. I want to be there for you." 

"I know you didn't want to come out so if it gets too loud just let me know and we can leave. I'll buy you a coffee on the way home too."

She's always there. Always. I don't think anyone will ever care for me the way she does. And I...ignored her. "Tomura I think I fucked up," I breath out. "What do I do?" He smiles. "The wedding is in a week. Invite her. And tell her how you feel."

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im not gonna lie, this chapter made me want to write a todomomo story.

let me know if you guys would read that shit. it doesn't have to be related to this story, it could be completely different, just let me know what you would want.

<3