Fall Again [H. S]

4

Scarlett White

The cold embraced my skin as I sat by my window, nestled with a blanket and a pillow pressed against my back for comfort. I looked at the neighborhood and watched as each person living in their homes went about their daily lives. Some left early for work, while others simply continued sleeping. Lights on, others off. The boy running with his bicycle to deliver the newspaper for the new day. Just the typical morning in a neighborhood.

Call me weird, but I liked the fact that I could be here watching how the world moves every morning. It had become a distraction for me when I knew I was going to have a long day. Besides, my mom was mad at me for what happened yesterday. I hated it when my mom was angry with me.

I hated that feeling.

But I couldn't prevent it from happening; I was aware of what I was doing. And you know what's worse? That I reached the point of feeling guilty. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't feel guilty, but seeing my mom like that... It just made me feel it.

But I was hurt, hurt by the fact that I am her daughter had been harassed by the damn sick David. The fear she radiated when she wouldn't defend me only said that David was an even more terrible person than I already knew he was.

He could kill her, which sickens me completely. Why does it have to be harder than it was? Or was it too late to leave him? What would happen if I left him at this moment? Would he kill her?

Just thinking about it made me nauseous.

Unfortunately, I also don't have the support of a father; my father left when I was just a baby. Something I sometimes wish I had him here with me. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if my father had never left. My mom, despite abandoning us, says that was the best choice. But what about me? Sometimes I do feel angry, by the fact that he didn't care a bit to look for me.

Moreover, why was she defending something that was wrong?

A sigh escapes my lips, and I get up to go to bed, close the window door, and return to bed.

****

My alarm for 8:00 AM sounds loudly, waking me up and causing me to quickly turn it off due to its annoying noise. I briefly get up a few minutes later and head to the bathroom for a shower.

I take a shower, do my morning facial routine, and brush my teeth. When I'm done, I go to my closet to find my work uniform shirt.

Once I'm ready, I grab my bag from my dresser and quietly leave my room with my feet, praying to God that I don't run into my mom or David.

This tends to be very awkward.

I go downstairs and, for once in my life, I was able to leave my house in peace. My arm wraps around my body while the black cardigan I'm wearing warms me from the cold.

When I get to the bus stop, it doesn't take long to arrive. I take this 15-minute ride to sleep to gather enough energy for work.

I felt so exhausted.

I wanted to tell Zach as an excuse that I had things to do at night. But that would be enough for him to get mad, even if he doesn't show it. If only it had been another day instead of a workday.

It would be less exhausting.

The bus stops at the stop where the coffee shop is, so I get up from my seat to head to the exit. My feet quickly walk towards the entrance of the Coffee Shop. Clocking in 5 minutes before 9:00 AM.

I greet everyone who had also just arrived and others who had arrived earlier for their shift. I head to the employees' room to leave my things and put on my apron.