My Eating Disorder

3.3.24

Its currently 12am
I'm gonna go to the flea market with a friend of mine and hopefully reach atleast 5k steps
I'll try and not eat before going and I'll lower my Diet Coke intake beforehand so I won't be as bloated and won't have to pee
I hope I won't eat before hand
But I can do this !! I am positive
I might weight myself in the morning after going to the toilet

Ok sooo its currently 1am and I weighted myself whoops
I'M AT 80.6kg!!!
That's amazing
I would've guessed that I'm at like 81.7kg or something
I can't sleep omg

Currently 4am might just pull an all-nighter and ask my friend to meet up earlier
Anyways I have to stay disciplined
I want to feel my bones again
I want to feel good in my clothes again
I want to feel light again
I want to look as sick as I mentally am
So people notice how bad I'm doing
So they'll be like " omg you look sick are you ok"

I stayed up until 8 am and called the friend I wanted to meet
My mother forbid me from going out so I just slept until 5pm
I was really close to ending my fast with a rice cake with jelly or even a salad but I refrained from it and even though I got really hungry, I just drank a Coke Zero and had some gum
And didn't break the fast
I'm at 27 hrs
I weighted myself and I'm at 79.7kg !!!
The last time I saw 79 on the scale was at the beginning of February so I'm really excited!!!!
Maybe I'll even see 78 kg on Tuesday already
I did the math and if i just loose 0.2kg a day I'll reach 70kg aka my lw in ca. 48 days
Which is crazy because I've been trying to loose weight for over two years now and just gaining and loosing the same kgs since forever now
I just have to stay disciplined