Keep Dreaming

But I Won't Do That - Ianto's POV

It had been a normal day. Well, about as normal as it gets around Torchwood Three's headquarters.
Early morning consisted of rounding up some weevils that had got loose around the city, with some Retcon being administered to onlookers shortly after.
When we came back, Owen decided it was lunch, and wouldn't let up until I ordered pizza - he had been banned from getting pizza ever since Jack discovered he had been ordering it under "Torchwood".
Twat.
After lunch, I went about the office, tidying bits up and making the odd coffee. With nothing to do, I found a secluded spot and took out my journal. I wrote down any and everything I thought was of significance, as I did every day.
I wrote about how Gwen and Owen were almost certainly sleeping together, and had been frequently using the shoddy excuse of "checking out some rift activity" (Tosh checked and there was none in the places their trackers were); how Tosh was either on her period or pissed at Owen and Gwen (probably the latter); about how Jack had been acting... odd towards me recently.
I lay back in the creaky old chair I was sitting in and tried to think back to when I noticed it.
It must have started shortly after Lisa's death. I was angry. Really angry. At the world, at Lisa, at cybermen... and especially at the team. I despised everything about work for a few weeks. It made me feel sick every morning, knowing I was walking through the doors of the very place my girlfriend had died. I memorised the exact spot where it happened, went to visit it when I could. I didn't care if anyone saw me cry or mourning by it. They had done it. Looking back now, I know they had to do it. But I couldn't face the truth then, not with the thick fog of grief blinding me to the reality of it all.
In those early days, Jack tried his best to take care of me. He would ask me if I needed help and offer breaks if I seemed zoned out or upset. He sat nearby when I cried at the spot where Lisa died.
As the weeks went by and I became accustomed to reality, I felt more like myself. And Jack didn't stop being nice.
In recent weeks, he had started coming up to me while I was making coffee and offering to make some to lighten the load.
I would notice his arm occasionally brush off mine. It didn't seem like a big deal, there isn't much space in the break room, meaning it was easy to bump into anyone else in there. I shrugged it off and tried to suppress any thoughts I had that suggested otherwise.
Then after that came the glances. I would be on the computer and suddenly feel eyes burning into the back of my head. When I turned around, I'd see Jack quickly turn his head. Or at meetings, I'd catch him stealing a glimpse of me every now and then. I couldn't hide the heat that flushed my cheeks as it was becoming evident that I wasn't only imagining these things.

And then... there was yesterday.
I just so happened to check everyone's trackers to make sure they got home safely in the storm. I spotted two little red dots at Owen's apartment, which I couldn't help but grimace at. Gross. Another little red dot was at Tosh's apartment. And the last red dot... seemed to be walking towards the HQ. Logically, it had to be Jack. I decided to make him a hot mug of coffee and grab a towel so he could dry himself when he came in. When Jack arrived only 5 minutes later, I was waiting with the steaming hot beverage in one hand, and a fluffy towel in the other.
"I hope you don't mind. I saw that your tracker was nearby, and with the lashings of rain-"
He took the mug from me, taking a sip. He smiled that stupid, god-forsaken smile. He thanked me and I nodded in response, doing the typical British-polite-person smile. You know the one.
Instead of moving away, though, I could have sworn he inched closer to me. The air around us was electric and I could feel every hair on my body stand up. I could almost feel his breath on my skin. My breath hitched and caught in my throat.
His eyes were fixed on mine, and vice versa. For a moment, I just focused on how blue Jack's eyes were. It was so... intense. If we had stayed like that for any longer, I swear we would've kissed. But I felt a familiar, prickly heat creeping up my neck, and I knew I couldn't let Jack see it reach my face. I broke off the interaction as abruptly as it had started with my mind-blowing conversation skills:
"... is it okay?"
Jack looked a tad disheartened, and I felt awful. He said something about the coffee being good and then walked off, which made me feel intensely guilty. I had thought about the interaction all night, replaying it hundreds of times. I couldn't quite make my mind up about how to feel about this shifting dynamic.

"Doing okay there?"
A familiar, heavily accented voice crooned. I slammed the journal shut, swiftly being brought back to reality.
"Good! Yeah, good!"
I responded, the pitch of my voice perhaps a tad higher than usual.
Jack laughed and threw his hands up, as though in surrender.
"Hey, I didn't see anything! But I am curious now."
He flashed me a cheeky grin. I tried to regain my voice and gather my thoughts.
"I uh, I - sorry, it was quiet so I just went to write in this-"
"God, Ianto, relax! You're not in trouble."
My tense body slackened.
"Oh. What is it?"
Jack, who was sitting on an age-old wheely chair across from mine, scooted it closer. I leaned in. Jack leaned in. My mind started to race. Oh my god, was this it? Were we going to kiss? Had I brushed my teeth? Did I look okay? Oh god, should I have shaved? What about-
"I need you to do me a favour."
I took a second to process what Jack just said. I looked at him with furrowed brows and a slack jaw like a complete idiot.
"Ohhhh... kayyy?"
I dragged out the word for much longer than it needed to be and immediately winced internally.
Jack took a deep breath. I didn't like where this was going - a deep breath for Jack usually meant something incredibly dodgy.

"I need you to Retcon and kidnap my therapist."
See? I was right. Incredibly dodgy.
I squinted my eyes as I tried to process what Jack just asked of me, but all I could manage to say was,
"You have a therapist?"
Jack rolled his impatiently.
"Sorry, sorry. Uh- why exactly am I kidnapping your therapist? I just want to make sure there's a valid excuse for the judge if I get caught."
Jack shot me a withering look.
"Look, it's not that bad. I just need you to bring her here and then hopefully once I explain everything to her, she won't call the police on us."
I didn't even know what to say. In fact, I don't think there was much of a point in arguing. I was still skeptical, though, and threw Jack a look that suggested just as much. He took my hand in his and looked me in the eye.
"Please."
My eyes were wide and I gulped as the only thing I was focused on was not blushing - although I was fairly sure I had already failed miserably. Jack had me like putty in his hands and he knew it. Although I was painfully aware of this, I also wanted to please him.
I sighed begrudgingly.
"What do you need me to do?"