In the realm of dreams

Part 19 - Spotlights and stage frights

Baek Yoona

My right leg was shaking so much that I was afraid I would lose my balance as I stood in the green room with the rest of the cast. To say I was nervous was an understatement. Our directornim was giving us the final prep talk before we were due on the stage in thirty minutes. Someone squeezed my elbow gently. I turned to see it was Sooho.

His lips formed the shape of a 'Gwenchhana' without any sound. I nodded in acknowledgement. Dressed in my black pantsuit for the part I suddenly felt like a grown up. I tried to block out the knowledge that half of our high school will be in the audience tonight. I just needed to remember everything we rehearsed and for the next two hours forget that I am Yoona. That would be a fun experiment: forget your own problems and just dwell in the misery of a character. At least the character's woes were made up and get nicely resolved at the end of the play.

Once the curtains went up I scanned the audience quickly. I couldn't see him. Appa didn't make it here. Until that moment I had a faint hope that somehow if he managed to show up here we could move past the gulf of indifference between us and finally take the first step towards becoming a family again. But tonight wasn't the night for that. In a way, I was freed from an invisible responsibility to perform well because of Appa's absence. So I kind of just tried to let go of my inhibition and have fun solving crimes on the stage with Eugene and Sooho.

The roar of the applause was loud when we were taking a bow, most of our classmates were on their feet screaming, clapping and making a commotion. It was a kind of a high to be at the receiving end of so much adoration, similar to winning a sports event.

It was so late by the time we finished accepting all the felicitations and removed our makeup. Eugene's parents came backstage to congratulate us on our performance. They were clearly beaming at their son.

'Yoona, how are you getting home at this late hour? we can give you a lift home.', his mom said. She was one of those pristinely-dressed career women who always looked put together.

'Oh! Thank you for offering, but banjang and I live in the same neighbourhood and we can go home together', I replied and even though I didn't look at him I could feel Sooho's eyes on me.

Eugene looked clearly disappointed and his mother looked mildly surprised but soon left with Eugene.

Choi Sooho

'We have to wait for the night bus; you would have been home by now if you had accepted the lift from ahjumma', I rocked on my heels as we waited at the bus stop which was surprisingly busy at this time of the night.

'Oh would you have preferred to go home alone, then'?, her eyes were teasing.

'Ani, I much prefer this', I lowered my head so my eyes were levelled with her. 'But why didn't you accept the ride?'

She hesitated, her hand tugging at the hem of her t-shirt. I could tell she was debating what to tell me.

'I....I much prefer this as well. Besides, there is no need to hurry home.' She averted her eyes and concentrated on a spot on the pavement.

Something light and airy filled my chest. She preferred taking the bus home with me to a comfortable ride in Eugene's parents' car. Maybe it wasn't a big thing but it was something.

'Besides, I need to make sure you get home safe'. She patted my head playfully. In response I drew up to my full height and I think it made her gasp a little.

'I am so tired', she said after we took our seats on the near empty bus.

''You must be, try to rest, we got half an hour at least.' She soon dozed off, her head resting on my shoulder. I wished the driver would go carefully so as not to disturb her sleep. I felt the cadence of her breath through her shoulder where it pressed into my arm like the gentle rhythm of waves.

'Yoona'a, we're here,' I pressed my hand on her arm gently nudging her. She blinked rapidly before lifting her head from my shoulder, looking embarrassed. I didn't want to make her blush by acknowledging what had happened so I just pretended like it wasn't a big deal and made my way to the door.

The night air was crisp and punctuated with the scent of flowers. It was one of those moments that you wish to stretch to infinity because of how perfect they were. Usually we would walk through a cloud of Yoona's words, questions and thoughts spoken out loud. But tonight there was a friendly silence between us. It didn't escape me that Yoona's father and my mother were the only parents who didn't show up for the play. Somehow it seemed our collective disappointments had meshed together and found a way to co-exist without crushing us. I wanted to take her hand in mine and tell her it will be okay. Whatever it was that weighed us down will also propel us forward somehow.

But instead I let the silence do the talking. I hoped somewhere the wavelengths of our thoughts had co-ordinated to the same frequency so we could read each other's thoughts. It was a childish thought but somehow it comforted me.

'Will you go to directornim's celebratory dinner tomorrow night?', I asked when we reached her gate.

She looked up at me, her eyes so full of emotion. The moonlight reflected off of her hair making her look ethereal.

'Yes,' she replied.

I smiled at her. 'Good. We can go together then.' I turned on my heel and headed back before she could say anything else.