In the realm of dreams

Chapter 21. Dinners and Dares 2

Baek Yoona

On Monday morning I arrive at the school extra early. It seemed like the best strategy to resolve the issue. The issue being Sooho avoiding me. I thought about waiting for him outside his house but that seemed a bit stalkery and frankly I didn't want to get caught by his eomma who seemed quite intimidating. I thought about waiting for him at the bus stop but there was always a chance Sooho could have caught an earlier or later bus than our usual one to avoid me so that wasn't a foolproof plan.

I decided the safest strategy would be to wait for him in school - a place he could not avoid. I hung my rucksack on the hook on my desk and then perched myself on Sooho's desk, casually browsing the Maths textbook. A couple of our classmates came in soon after, surprised to see me. I waved at them as though I am always this early.

Sooho has not answered my texts since Saturday night. Since I left the celebration dinner with Eugene. Obviously I didn't plan to leave the dinner with Eugene. I was thinking when Eugene offered a lift home that Sooho and I would both get dropped by Euegene's car, given we live in the same area. So I had said yes and Eugene and I stepped outside the restaurant, standing on the pavement waiting for Sooho to join us. The night air was chilly and Eugene offered me a jacket which I accepted on account of practicality. It briefly skimmed my mind that that this was often a trope in romantic K-dramas but since Eugene and I weren't an item this was purely chivalrous on his part and sensible on mine.

When Sooho finally emerged from the restaurant, I waved at him.

'Banjang, come here. Eugene is giving us a lift in his car.' I called out to him.

'Ah thanks, but i will take the bus', he said, pausing to glance at Eugene and I before taking long strides towards the bus stop.

I texted him when I got home to inform him I had reached and asked if he has as well.

'Yes'. came his monosyllabic reply an hour later.

And then all of Sunday, he simply ignored me! I sent him memes, link to 2PM's new MV, voice note reciting an english poem, messages asking him what he was upto. But I got nothing. Eventually I gave up hope and went to the convenience store and hung around for a while, hopelessly hoping he might turn up and I could ask him what's wrong. I mean, I think he was upset because I accepted the ride from Euegen. But it's not like I meant to leave the party with Eugene. Surely he would have known that!

'Yoona-a, 'Soobin said , settling herself at her desk. 'What's up? why so early'?

I smile but don't give her an answer.

'So, what was it like getting a lift from Eugene?', she asked. I could see the curiosity in her eyes, hear the teasing undertone. 'Did he ask you out?'

'What? No, of course not. It was just a lift okay, nothing else. In any case, I thought he would drop both Sooho and I, but it didn't turn out like that'.

'Is that so?', she bit her lower lip. 'It's pretty obvious to me why Sooho wouldn't join you and Eugene.' She looked toward the door and hurriedly turned back on her chair to bury her face in her book.

Sooho had just walked into the classroom and strolled to his desk at a leisurely pace; his face unreadable. If he was surprised, annoyed, or delighted to see me sitting with my legs dangling from his desk, his face didn't show it.

'You are on my desk', he said, putting his rucksack on the chair. If he sat down on his chair as he would normally do, we would have been face to face and my legs would have been on his lap, so obviously that would be awkward.

I hadn't actually planned what to say to him once he arrived in school, so I kind of went with the obvious.

'You didn't reply to me all day yesterday, everything okay'? My voice showed way too much care than it should have showed if I were trying to play hardball.

He looked uncomfortable, shifting on his feet. 'Can you move to your desk please?'

'I won't until you tell me why you're avoiding me'. I sounded like a bratty kid.

Forty seconds later when I still hadn't budged from my position, Choi Sooho puts his arms around my waist and hoists me up and settles me down on my chair. Not in a threatening, angry way, but in a delicate, caring way. It startles me; the gentleness in his eyes that I see when he is holding me in those brief few moments. 

All day long, the warm feeling where his hands held me keep returning to me, as if my body has recorded his touch. Like a favourite song that you keep playing over and over again.

Choi Sooho

When I see Yoona sitting on my desk on Monday, all my anger, frustration and resolve melts away like ice under a hot summer sun. She looked so cute nodding her head this way and that in rhythm to the song she was seemingly listening to. I wonder if she was listening to the same song she had sent me yesterday, which I had listened to and loved but I didn't tell her that. I stood at the entrance watching her for a few moments, Soobin said something to her and then turned hurriedly away when she clocked me at the doorway. A wave of guilt rushes through me as I walk towards my rightful desk. I ignored her all weekend

When I saw her standing there beside Eugene, with his jacket around her, something primitive in me snapped. I wanted to hit Eugene and grab her hand and pull her away from there, from him. When she waved at me to join them, all I could think of was how I needed to distance myself from them, so that I wouldn't end up doing something stupid again. I didn't want to feed the beast within me. So I had hotfooted it to the bus stop. All night I tossed and turned unable to sleep, until I finally got up for a jog around the neighbourhood. I inevitably ended up outside Yoona's house and just stood there for a few minutes as the sun was gearing up to do its work for the day. How different it had been standing here the night before, eagerly waiting for Yoona to come out. How radiant she had looked. And this morning I cut a sorry figure waiting for a girl who wouldn't materialise. Because you gave her a one-word reply last night idiot, a small voice inside me said.

I went back home and tried to ignore the spectrum of feelings that were eating away at me. With every text Yoona sent, my guilt rose. I should have apologised. But I didn't and instead just let my feelings fester in me until it was too late to cover up the fact that I was avoiding her. Until I decided it would be a good idea to come to school really early. Only to find that she had had the same thought.

I was projecting my frustration and anger on her, I realised that yesterday afternoon. And when I did, I was overcome with guilt and was ashamed at having ignored her numerous texts. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to tell her she was not at fault and it was my own insecurity and childishness that made me avoid her. but I am helpless at the sight of her on my desk. At the thought that she looked like she belonged here, on my desk every single day.

I am also a coward so I don't admit or say any of this aloud to her. Just ask her to move, without quite meeting her eyes.

Of course she is relentless and keeps asking me why I am avoiding her. There were four other people in the class already including Soobin. I check to make sure most of them were otherwise preoccupied and then pick her up and lodge her on her own chair.

It was an impetuous decision, yes.

'No I am not mad at you. I say sotto voce to her question 'Let's talk in our break', I say to her as I hold her at arms' length.

I try to think what explanation I could give her that would satisfy her. What could I say so we could go back to how we were pre-Saturday night debacle.