In the realm of dreams

Part 24 - Sooho's birthday

Baek Yoona

Is happiness merely the absence of sadness? Or is it a completely distinct feeling? Lying down on this picnic blanket on an early summer's day, surrounded by smiling friends, enjoying the sun-kissed breeze on my face, I start to think happiness can be a completely new feeling, distinct from the absence of sadness.

It was my idea – a picnic for Sooho's birthday. Everyone was on-board immediately except for Sooho who needed some convincing.

'Sooho doesn't like to celebrate his birthday'- Jisung had said.

'It's his eighteenth birthday, a landmark birthday and this is the last birthday in high school. We can do something low-key – like go for a picnic, take advantage of the long summer days.' was my reply.

A few more days of nagging and coaxing Sooho I collected on his promise from a few days ago. Jisung chose the venue. The parkland was about an hour's bike ride from our town which meant it was just a bit away from most of our known crowd and we could chill out freely.

The days are getting longer as well, which means we get long stretched out evenings until the sun sets in the horizon and these evenings are perfect for biking.

Jisung and Soobin decide to go and fetch ice creams. Sooho is wearing a checkered shirt over a white t-shirt and jeans today. He looks more relaxed than he has in the past few weeks.

'What do you want for your birthday Sooho?' I ask him propping myself up on an elbow.

He is sat next to me, his knees bent, leaning on his hands resting behind him. A breeze passes bringing with it a fresh scent of jasmine and the promise of a sweet summer.

'Nothing'.

'Humour me, if you could have anything. What would you want?'

He runs a hand through his hair, ruffling his bangs.

'I want to be free I think, just a little free'.

'Free from what?', I dig some more, emboldened by my hunch that on a special day like today he might decide to open up a bit more.

'Just free, you know. Free to wish for and pursue things I want to pursue.' His voice a notch above a whisper, eyes darting off to the distance.

Right, he means pressure and expectations. It is the same for most of us, so it isn't exactly an uncommon wish. Parental pressure and societal expectations coil around teenagers sitting the KSATs like a boa constrictor and for some of us it leads to unpleasant consequences.

I sit up folding my legs and square my body so I can face him. He looks so vulnerable, devoid of his mask of class president, filial son, model student. He is just a boy turning eighteen with his whole life ahead of him. A life full of possibilities, of good and happy things, of love..... it must have taken a lot for him to open to me as much as he did. I appreciate that. Without really thinking about it, I reach out and rest my hand on his arm. His skin is warm from the sun.

'I understand', I say, squinting my eyes to avoid the low sun. What I really mean is – I understand and I hear you. I am with you by your side, if you want to say more, share more I am always here. Thank you for trusting me and opening up to me. I hope somehow he can read all of that in my eyes.

We hold each other's gaze for some time. The unspoken words swirling around us in an invisible tornado, knocking into one another, mingling and dancing until they return to us as thoughts. His eyes move from my eyes to my lips. I have read enough romance novels to know what that means. As the realisation dawns on me, I feel a blush creeping up my neck and rising to my cheeks.

His skin feels hotter under my touch as well. Not sure what to do I gently remove my hand and draw it back to my lap.

Choi Sooho

She wore a knee-length yellow dress with patterns of tiny flowers on it. Her hair was a riot in the breeze. Just like the first day I met her, she reminds me of the sun shining; bright in her own personal light. Not a borrower of light but a giver of light, illuminating everything in her path.

She lies on the picnic blanket, the sun's rays bronzing the skin on her bare legs. We finished our sandwiches and Jisung decided to delight us with a little guitar solo.

I am having a good time. I have to admit the picnic was a good idea. I had initially resisted it because I don't like to make a big deal out of my birthday. It's no longer special to me. Not since Appa left. But Yoona convinced me. Let's face it – there aren't many things I would say no to if Yoona asks me. Although she might not know the kind of power she held over me. Not yet anyway. I am glad I agreed to the picnic. The parkland area is beautiful and our spot is right by the edge of the lake.

As she blushes under my gaze she transforms from the girl who was my special friend to the girl of my dreams. She has managed to make me open up to her in a way no one has ever been able to; speaking to a part of me that I like to keep well-guarded.

I see it in her eyes too. The moment she senses this shift. We have entered a territory that is quite private to us and is unlike the landscapes we navigate with our other friends. It's a land with a different kind of language, where words are superfluous and expressions are enough.

Then comprehension dawns on her face that both of us have felt this shift and what it means for us, that we are two pieces of thread in the same fabric.

I want to bring my forehead down to hers and kiss her lips. In that moment, nothing else matters, there is no other truth and if she didn't move her hand away from my arm it would have been inevitable.

Maybe I have made her shy by staring so openly. The magic breaks when she removes her hand and I try to normalise the situation with a joke.

'I think if you were a superhero your power would be light.' I try to sound casual but my voice comes out all thick. I clear my throat.

She wrinkles her nose in a way that makes me want to smooth out the folds. 'What do you mean light? What does that involve?'

'Like you could illuminate a dark space; cast a spotlight'. If I speak in riddles could she decipher them? If she could then her reward would be knowing what she means to me.

'How is that helpful? Superheroes are meant to help people'? She asked, tucking some wild strands behind her ear.

Jisung and Soobin choose that exact moment to return – each of them holding two cones in their hands. Great timing.

I know that evening I would make a sketch of a sunshine girl in a yellow dress. My sunshine girl.

However, the best gift that I got this year was a short poem that Yoona texts over to me that night at 11:59pm.

It said:

Your last gift for this year:

"Mourn not the passing of Spring.
The disappearance of the cherry blossom.
Celebrate the arrival of summer.
The permanence of the sun
The heat burning your skin
Welcome the clear skies, the gentle breezes
The dancing kaleidoscope of flowers
Cherish the scent of forgotten days
Summer, It's the end of something;
The beginning of something else."

I fall asleep with a smile on my face. It is indeed the beginning of something.