CAFFEINE ; jujutsu kaisen oneshots

Curses & Cigarettes ; Satoru Gojo

Walking down the busy streets of Tokyo at night definitely wasn't for the weak. You were already tired from your shift at work and just wanted to get home, crawl into bed, and die. But first, you had to make a pit stop at the supermarket to grab a few things for dinner tomorrow.

With your bag of groceries in hand, you headed back home, ready to call it a day. That was, until you passed by a dark alleyway. Normally, you wouldn't even give it a second glance, but out of nowhere, some weird-ass monster jumped out at you.

Your groceries went flying, scattering across the ground. That was your last straw.

"Oh, hell no," you growled, pulling the small knife out of your pocket. You kept it for self-defense, and now it was going to be put to good use. "You bastard! Do you know how much that chicken cost me?!"

Fueled by a combination of exhaustion and pure rage over your dead groceries, you lunged at the monster, stabbing it over and over.

"You made me drop my groceries! I was gonna eat that!" you shouted, your voice echoing in the alley as you kept stabbing.

A sudden laugh caught your attention, and you froze mid-stab, turning your head toward the sound. Standing a few feet away was a tall guy with white hair, dressed in black, watching you with an amused grin on his face.

"Damn... women are scary," he chuckled.

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Who the hell are you?"

Ignoring the monster's now-lifeless body, you started picking through your groceries to see what was salvageable.

"Satoru Gojo," he said casually, as if that explained everything. When you didn't respond, he tilted his head. "You seriously don't know who I am?"

"Should I?" you asked, unimpressed. "If you're from my job, I don't know you. I don't pay attention to anyone there."

He blinked, taken aback, before letting out a laugh. "Not quite. Are you a Jujutsu sorcerer?"

"A what?"

"A Jujutsu sorcerer," he repeated, stepping closer.

You thought about testing your luck and smashing his face in, but then you realized that this guy actually was crazy. You placed a hand on his cheek, speaking slowly as if you were talking to a child. "Oh, sweetie, you need help. Like, professional help," you said, patting his shoulder sympathetically.

"What? I'm not crazy!" he protested, pulling your hands off his face.

"Of course not," you said in a soothing tone. "You're just... special. And I hear there are great places for special people these days."

Gojo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Good grief. That monster you killed? It was a curse."

"Cool story, dude," you muttered, lighting a cigarette from your pocket as you turned to leave.

He followed you. Of course, he did.

"You know, those things will kill you," he said, walking backward so he could face you.

"Good. Saves me the trouble," you replied dryly.

When you finally reached your apartment building, you turned to him with a glare. "Alright, this is where you leave before I call the cops, crazy."

Instead of leaving, he leaned against the doorframe. "You're strong. Why waste your time in a crappy apartment when you could come to Jujutsu Tech? You'd get to train and actually use your strength."

"Does it cost anything?" you asked, half-joking.

"Just your time. Plus, it pays well," he said with a smirk.

You paused, considering it. "Wait here," you said, heading inside.

After about thirty minutes, you came back out with a small bag in one hand and your little sister in the other. She was fast asleep, her head resting on your shoulder.

Gojo blinked in surprise. "Shit, you have a kid?"

"Do I look old enough to have a kid?" you snapped. "She's my sister, you idiot."

"Alright, scary old fake mom. Let's go," he said with a grin, turning to walk ahead.

As you followed him, you muttered, "I'm 26, you punk. You're the one with white hair."

"Oh, really?" He glanced back at you, his grin turning into a cocky smirk. "Then maybe I can take you on a date?"

You scoffed. "When hell freezes over."

"So, you're saying there's a chance?"

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I actually hate this. I lied, my writing isnt getting better.

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